Today I hit a wall. All the sudden all these emotions took over. Yesterday we had the funeral for Missy. I think I am still in shock that she is gone. Why does our society rush to say good bye so quickly? Your loved one dies and within days they are all ready buried in the ground. I know you can't put a time line on grief. I had an AIDS client that when he died, they had a celebration of his life. His wife and daughter were there. He was African-American and I think there were 3 of us white folks at this celebration. They kept his casket open the whole time, while we sang songs and celebrated his life. I felt like then I really got to know him. When he got ill, and knew he was terminal, he moved up to WI to live with his mom. I would go over to their home every week and his mom would try to feed me. They were always so kind and generous. They didn't have much, but what they had, they wanted to share. It is hard to know if you are leading the life that God intended sometimes. How does one know? I feel like I have given of my time to those in need, but what if it has not been enough? I am one who has a hard time asking for help. I like to do things on my own. I know when I start treatment, this will have to slow down. I think the "not knowing" is starting to get to me. I just want to know what is going on and get things going. It is emotionally draining. On a very happy side note, we welcomed Connor James Gerth into our family yesterday. He is awesome and so handsome! I could not wait to get my hands on him! I even stepped up to the plate and changed his diaper. I was alittle risky though, I will need to learn how to change a boys diaper if you know what I mean! Ha!
The sun is out and this is good. I am going to meet some friends for lunch. I am going to drive for the first time in 3 weeks...stay off the roads! ha!
Blessings on your day!
Tuesday, December 30, 2008
Saturday, December 27, 2008
If you have a minute, please watch Claire's 3rd year montage. I do this annually. She is so awesome and sweet!
http://www.onetruemedia.com/shared?p=6dcdb928005b8b4e549294&skin_id=601&utm_source=otm&utm_medium=text_url
http://www.onetruemedia.com/shared?p=6dcdb928005b8b4e549294&skin_id=601&utm_source=otm&utm_medium=text_url
Wednesday, December 24, 2008
I just wanted to take a minute to wish everyone a blessed Merry Christmas. This year has proven to be one of surprise and challenge. The good has definitely outweighed the bad.
We have been blessed another year to have my parents in our lives. I love you so much mom and dad! Another year of getting used to my older brother Tony and his wife Beth near by in Bloomington. My other brother Mike and his wife Nikki expecting a baby any day now! And of course, my soul mate sister Beth Anne who I can really laugh and cry with about my cancer. I certainly cannot thank Dennis enough or tell him how much I love him and appreciate all that he has done. There are not enough words! All my friends and my faith community, esp the Rosary society out at St Joes. Keep those prayers a comin'.
The hard part of the year for me was losing my Aunt Dot. Her and I had a connection like I have never experienced. Maybe it was her faith in the Lord that made me migrate towards her. She always was there to say a kind word and to tell you that it was going to be OK. She was, and still is a special lady. I know Cheri that she is holding onto Missy hand, guiding her up where she belongs. What a wonderful journey that must be! It saddens me to lose Missy. But the circle of life is certainly in our family. With Mike and Nikki expecting Baby Connor James.
It goes without saying my diagnosis has been a kick in the butt for me of course. The other night my sister took me to get my hair cut(I still cannot drive) and we were laughing with Erin about cancer,etc... the hair dresser at the next station did not understand why we weren't crying and upset. Ok, now of course we have cried and of course we are upset, but hell, life goes on. I have too many good things in my life to dwell on and focus on, that the cancer right now is just part of my life and not the main focus. Now in a few months when I am going through treatment, this may change. I have said this before, I am scared. But I cannot boo hoo over this either. What good does that do. Besides, I am not the boo hoo type!
Please enjoy the company of the ones around you this week and do not forget to thank the Lord our God for bringing his son into this world and into our lives.
Many blessings and prayers
We have been blessed another year to have my parents in our lives. I love you so much mom and dad! Another year of getting used to my older brother Tony and his wife Beth near by in Bloomington. My other brother Mike and his wife Nikki expecting a baby any day now! And of course, my soul mate sister Beth Anne who I can really laugh and cry with about my cancer. I certainly cannot thank Dennis enough or tell him how much I love him and appreciate all that he has done. There are not enough words! All my friends and my faith community, esp the Rosary society out at St Joes. Keep those prayers a comin'.
The hard part of the year for me was losing my Aunt Dot. Her and I had a connection like I have never experienced. Maybe it was her faith in the Lord that made me migrate towards her. She always was there to say a kind word and to tell you that it was going to be OK. She was, and still is a special lady. I know Cheri that she is holding onto Missy hand, guiding her up where she belongs. What a wonderful journey that must be! It saddens me to lose Missy. But the circle of life is certainly in our family. With Mike and Nikki expecting Baby Connor James.
It goes without saying my diagnosis has been a kick in the butt for me of course. The other night my sister took me to get my hair cut(I still cannot drive) and we were laughing with Erin about cancer,etc... the hair dresser at the next station did not understand why we weren't crying and upset. Ok, now of course we have cried and of course we are upset, but hell, life goes on. I have too many good things in my life to dwell on and focus on, that the cancer right now is just part of my life and not the main focus. Now in a few months when I am going through treatment, this may change. I have said this before, I am scared. But I cannot boo hoo over this either. What good does that do. Besides, I am not the boo hoo type!
Please enjoy the company of the ones around you this week and do not forget to thank the Lord our God for bringing his son into this world and into our lives.
Many blessings and prayers
Tuesday, December 23, 2008
I never look at the masses as my responsibility.I look at the individual.I can love only one person at a time.I can feed only one person at a time.Just one, one, one.You get closer to Christ by coming closer to each other.As Jesus said,"Whatever you do to the least of my brethern, you do to me."So you begin. . .I begin.I picked up one person-maybe if I didn't pick up that one person I wouldn't have picked up 42,000.The whole work is only a drop in the ocean.But if I didn't put the drop in,the ocean would be one drop less.Same thing for you same thing in your family same thing in the church where you go just begin. . .one, one, one."--Mother Teresa
Monday, December 22, 2008
This was on my Down syndrome Indiana listerv. Please pray for those women who abort their children for any reason.
LIKE most Australians, I felt triumphant for the Horsham doctor Bernhard Moeller and his family when, swayed by public outrage, the Federal Government made an about-face and granted them permanent residency.
The family's original application had been rejected on the grounds that their son, 13-year-old Lukas, who has Down syndrome, would cost the health system too much.
In granting the family residency, decency and fairness had prevailed. We could give ourselves a little pat on the back, in our support for the family, for being guided by what is good and true.
I wondered where that same goodness and truth had gone this week after reading an article entitled "More Down Testing Would 'Halve' Births (The Sunday Age, December 7), in which experts believe that every pregnant woman in Australia, regardless of age, should be offered screening for Down syndrome.
Currently, screening is mainly offered to women over 35, who are perceived as having a higher chance of such a pregnancy. Down syndrome, or Trisomy 21, because of the extra 21st chromosome, is the most common genetic condition, present in one of 800 live births.
The tenor of the story was that if all women were offered screening, then even more women found to be carrying a baby with Down syndrome would have the opportunity to terminate. And, in so doing, Down syndrome births "would be halved".
I feel saddened that, on one hand, we could see the unfairness and prejudice of the Moeller's situation. On the other, we send a message through the push for uniform, national screening that the life of a person with Down syndrome is, essentially, not worth living.
I know it's on this point that many people will disagree. It's all about informed choice and the right of a woman to be given the opportunity to decide whether to proceed with such a pregnancy, right?
Well, yes, that's true, in a sense. And this is where I want to stay clear of difficult territory. I can't say what's right or wrong for another woman. Or stand in judgement. But I can say that whatever "choice" a woman makes, either way, is rarely simple or easy.
Studies bear out the fact that many women who terminate a pregnancy for a particular reason suffer depression in varying degrees as a result of their choice.
Equally, in the case of the minority of women (about 3 per cent in Victoria), who choose to proceed with a pregnancy, knowing they are carrying a baby with Down syndrome, it is rarely without profound levels of grief and soul searching.
I'm one of these women. Now, having worked through some incredibly difficult emotions and issues, I am the proud mother of a beautiful 16-month-old boy, Gabriel.
Almost two years ago, at 36 years old and 12 weeks' pregnant, still not even showing, I was gently told by a sonographer that I had a one in four chance of carrying a baby with Down syndrome.
For my husband and I there was never really a choice about whether we would keep this child. As hard as it was coming to terms with the news, I swayed between firmly knowing and desperately hoping that there would be a place in our family for this baby and that, as corny as it might sound, love would conquer all.
We decided to find out definitively so that we could better prepare for the pregnancy, birth and any immediate health issues the baby might have. An amniocentesis at 16 weeks confirmed what we already seemed to instinctively know.
I believe it's only a matter of time before screening for all women becomes standard practice. The wheels of genetic testing have been in motion for some time, and are set to accelerate with the introduction in as little as two years of a blood test for Down syndrome for a woman as early as six to eight weeks' pregnant.
One of my main concerns is the "informed choice" that will become more readily available to women will exist perfectly in theory but will be little more than a subtly biased justification for termination.
For a choice to be truly informed, it must provide the full picture, the negatives and positives. While no medical professional ever openly questioned or disparaged our decision, any positive information, particularly early on, was generally conspicuously lacking.
This is the common experience of other women I've since met who knew they were carrying babies with Down syndrome.
It's easy to lay blame with the medical profession. That's not my intention. While I do believe it's the job of medical professionals working in prenatal diagnostics to be properly informed on advances for people with Down syndrome and other genetic conditions. I also feel that much of the diagnostic and scanning technology (throughout all stages of pregnancy) is in such a nascent state that the medical profession, and society in general, has not properly worked through the ethical and moral dilemmas it throws up.
For instance, I have been amazed at the number of seemingly well-meaning strangers who, when they see my son has Down syndrome, will ask me straight out whether I "knew" before he was born. And then proceed to tell me what they would or wouldn't do in the same circumstance. In the past, I've been left hurt and angry, feeling I somehow have to justify my child's existence.
Will uniform national scanning serve to further marginalise people with Down syndrome and their families, particularly those "who knew"? We decried the barbarity of institutionalising people with disabilities and fully dispensed with that model only two decades ago. Is uniform scanning that different in its intention: dispense with the "problem", a so-called easy fix?
I often ponder the irony that while prenatal scanning becomes more sophisticated and endemic, there has never been a better time than the present for a baby with Down syndrome to be born. There are the heart and other operations and medications available to ensure a high quality of life. There is the realisation of the crucial role of early intervention, with various physical and cognitive therapies for children. It is no coincidence that many children with Down syndrome are being integrated into and graduating from mainstream schools and beyond.
This is a large side to the story that is rarely told to expectant parents. My hope would be that any policy developed for uniform scanning would aim to keep abreast of advances in Down syndrome and clearly communicate these changes to expectant parents.
The Moeller's situation encouraged me to think that we can be an accepting and caring society, that there is room for people with Down syndrome, including Gabriel.
This was brought home to me more so when my son underwent surgery for a heart condition almost two months ago. The operation itself was a success but less than 24 hours later Gabriel arrested because of an aggressive reaction to a staph infection. We nearly lost him. Through the days on life support, the trips back to theatre to have his chest cleaned of the infection, and countless other complications, the nurses and doctors, particularly his kind Russian surgeon, assured us they would, as with any child, do whatever it takes to nurse Gabriel back to health. And they did.
These days my biggest encouragement, however, is Gabriel. And here's something all the scanning and technology in the world couldn't tell me: just how much I would love my boy for who he is, extra chromosome and all, and how truly wonderful he is. That love, as corny as it sounds, can conquer all.
Angela Blakston is an Age journalist currently on maternity leave.
LIKE most Australians, I felt triumphant for the Horsham doctor Bernhard Moeller and his family when, swayed by public outrage, the Federal Government made an about-face and granted them permanent residency.
The family's original application had been rejected on the grounds that their son, 13-year-old Lukas, who has Down syndrome, would cost the health system too much.
In granting the family residency, decency and fairness had prevailed. We could give ourselves a little pat on the back, in our support for the family, for being guided by what is good and true.
I wondered where that same goodness and truth had gone this week after reading an article entitled "More Down Testing Would 'Halve' Births (The Sunday Age, December 7), in which experts believe that every pregnant woman in Australia, regardless of age, should be offered screening for Down syndrome.
Currently, screening is mainly offered to women over 35, who are perceived as having a higher chance of such a pregnancy. Down syndrome, or Trisomy 21, because of the extra 21st chromosome, is the most common genetic condition, present in one of 800 live births.
The tenor of the story was that if all women were offered screening, then even more women found to be carrying a baby with Down syndrome would have the opportunity to terminate. And, in so doing, Down syndrome births "would be halved".
I feel saddened that, on one hand, we could see the unfairness and prejudice of the Moeller's situation. On the other, we send a message through the push for uniform, national screening that the life of a person with Down syndrome is, essentially, not worth living.
I know it's on this point that many people will disagree. It's all about informed choice and the right of a woman to be given the opportunity to decide whether to proceed with such a pregnancy, right?
Well, yes, that's true, in a sense. And this is where I want to stay clear of difficult territory. I can't say what's right or wrong for another woman. Or stand in judgement. But I can say that whatever "choice" a woman makes, either way, is rarely simple or easy.
Studies bear out the fact that many women who terminate a pregnancy for a particular reason suffer depression in varying degrees as a result of their choice.
Equally, in the case of the minority of women (about 3 per cent in Victoria), who choose to proceed with a pregnancy, knowing they are carrying a baby with Down syndrome, it is rarely without profound levels of grief and soul searching.
I'm one of these women. Now, having worked through some incredibly difficult emotions and issues, I am the proud mother of a beautiful 16-month-old boy, Gabriel.
Almost two years ago, at 36 years old and 12 weeks' pregnant, still not even showing, I was gently told by a sonographer that I had a one in four chance of carrying a baby with Down syndrome.
For my husband and I there was never really a choice about whether we would keep this child. As hard as it was coming to terms with the news, I swayed between firmly knowing and desperately hoping that there would be a place in our family for this baby and that, as corny as it might sound, love would conquer all.
We decided to find out definitively so that we could better prepare for the pregnancy, birth and any immediate health issues the baby might have. An amniocentesis at 16 weeks confirmed what we already seemed to instinctively know.
I believe it's only a matter of time before screening for all women becomes standard practice. The wheels of genetic testing have been in motion for some time, and are set to accelerate with the introduction in as little as two years of a blood test for Down syndrome for a woman as early as six to eight weeks' pregnant.
One of my main concerns is the "informed choice" that will become more readily available to women will exist perfectly in theory but will be little more than a subtly biased justification for termination.
For a choice to be truly informed, it must provide the full picture, the negatives and positives. While no medical professional ever openly questioned or disparaged our decision, any positive information, particularly early on, was generally conspicuously lacking.
This is the common experience of other women I've since met who knew they were carrying babies with Down syndrome.
It's easy to lay blame with the medical profession. That's not my intention. While I do believe it's the job of medical professionals working in prenatal diagnostics to be properly informed on advances for people with Down syndrome and other genetic conditions. I also feel that much of the diagnostic and scanning technology (throughout all stages of pregnancy) is in such a nascent state that the medical profession, and society in general, has not properly worked through the ethical and moral dilemmas it throws up.
For instance, I have been amazed at the number of seemingly well-meaning strangers who, when they see my son has Down syndrome, will ask me straight out whether I "knew" before he was born. And then proceed to tell me what they would or wouldn't do in the same circumstance. In the past, I've been left hurt and angry, feeling I somehow have to justify my child's existence.
Will uniform national scanning serve to further marginalise people with Down syndrome and their families, particularly those "who knew"? We decried the barbarity of institutionalising people with disabilities and fully dispensed with that model only two decades ago. Is uniform scanning that different in its intention: dispense with the "problem", a so-called easy fix?
I often ponder the irony that while prenatal scanning becomes more sophisticated and endemic, there has never been a better time than the present for a baby with Down syndrome to be born. There are the heart and other operations and medications available to ensure a high quality of life. There is the realisation of the crucial role of early intervention, with various physical and cognitive therapies for children. It is no coincidence that many children with Down syndrome are being integrated into and graduating from mainstream schools and beyond.
This is a large side to the story that is rarely told to expectant parents. My hope would be that any policy developed for uniform scanning would aim to keep abreast of advances in Down syndrome and clearly communicate these changes to expectant parents.
The Moeller's situation encouraged me to think that we can be an accepting and caring society, that there is room for people with Down syndrome, including Gabriel.
This was brought home to me more so when my son underwent surgery for a heart condition almost two months ago. The operation itself was a success but less than 24 hours later Gabriel arrested because of an aggressive reaction to a staph infection. We nearly lost him. Through the days on life support, the trips back to theatre to have his chest cleaned of the infection, and countless other complications, the nurses and doctors, particularly his kind Russian surgeon, assured us they would, as with any child, do whatever it takes to nurse Gabriel back to health. And they did.
These days my biggest encouragement, however, is Gabriel. And here's something all the scanning and technology in the world couldn't tell me: just how much I would love my boy for who he is, extra chromosome and all, and how truly wonderful he is. That love, as corny as it sounds, can conquer all.
Angela Blakston is an Age journalist currently on maternity leave.
Friday, December 19, 2008
I am having one of those days where I am suppose to be relaxing, but having a really hard time doing so. My sister, Claire, and I ran to WMart this morning and it wore me out! My belly was sore and I was tired. The incision they did was up and down my belly button, not across. So it is sore and tender still. Plus my belly is swollen. I feel like I did almost 3 years ago before having Claire!
I had a hard time sleeping last night. I think because I had not thought of anything for a week. Being so sick and miserable, that yesterday was overload! We are concerned about Dennis' job at Valeo. They are laying more people off and cutting back on hours etc...
But honestly, it is hard to feel sorry for ourselves when so many people are in the exact same position. Some without jobs at all.
My cousin and her family are weighing on my mind. The lose of a child is still the biggest mystery to me. It is hard when you as a parent pray to God to protect and look over your child, yet at the same time, he takes them away from you. I always have to think back and know that "his ways, are not our ways." And you have to reach out to God not only when you are suffering, but praise him as well when things are good.
Just so much happening at once.
I had a hard time sleeping last night. I think because I had not thought of anything for a week. Being so sick and miserable, that yesterday was overload! We are concerned about Dennis' job at Valeo. They are laying more people off and cutting back on hours etc...
But honestly, it is hard to feel sorry for ourselves when so many people are in the exact same position. Some without jobs at all.
My cousin and her family are weighing on my mind. The lose of a child is still the biggest mystery to me. It is hard when you as a parent pray to God to protect and look over your child, yet at the same time, he takes them away from you. I always have to think back and know that "his ways, are not our ways." And you have to reach out to God not only when you are suffering, but praise him as well when things are good.
Just so much happening at once.
Thursday, December 18, 2008
Another somewhat disappointing visit with the DR., but I was not surprised. The pathology report was not back yet. What they could tell her and what they could see looking at the node, was that it was a type of lymphoma, but they could not tell just yet what type. And really, you have to understand folks that once you start getting into lymphomas and leukemia, these are not just easy cancers to detect and diagnose. I do thank God that all my blood work has been good and that it looks like there would be no chance of it being a leukemia either. So, we wait again.
She did say that she knew enough to go ahead and set me up an appt with an oncologist at IU med who specializes in lymphomas. She set me up with the one my sister saw. We go in January 12th. I have no doubt the minute the report comes to her desk that she will call and at least let us know the diagnosis. Our new saying is,"It is what it is."
The reason for not being surprised was because when my sister spoke with her on Monday and there was no report, and her telling us several times that the lymph node bios are always longer, I had this gut feeling all along. But she did have to check my incision etc...
On a side note, Claire went to preschool today to meet and greet her classmates. Mom and Beth took her and sounds like she had an absolute blast! I cannot wait for her to start in January.
I just ask for you to continue to lift our family up in prayer. Not just ours' but those too that have lost a loved one this year. This time of year can be hard on many families. I know it will be on that we will never forget.
I ask that you esp lift my cousin Missy up in prayer as she goes to be with our heavenly Father. It is hard when you have faith and trust in the Lord to not accept that this is his plan, but it is. He knows our souls better than anyone else. He knows that the family would not like to see Missy suffer and not have the quality of life that she so deserves. Please pray for her husband and 2 very young boys that no matter how long it takes, he will accept this plan for him and his family and understand that it is through his faithfulness in the Lord that he will get through this.
Also for my friend Michelle Koester who will under go surgery for something they found on her scan the other day. She has come so far surviving lymphoma and thyroid cancer.
Peace
She did say that she knew enough to go ahead and set me up an appt with an oncologist at IU med who specializes in lymphomas. She set me up with the one my sister saw. We go in January 12th. I have no doubt the minute the report comes to her desk that she will call and at least let us know the diagnosis. Our new saying is,"It is what it is."
The reason for not being surprised was because when my sister spoke with her on Monday and there was no report, and her telling us several times that the lymph node bios are always longer, I had this gut feeling all along. But she did have to check my incision etc...
On a side note, Claire went to preschool today to meet and greet her classmates. Mom and Beth took her and sounds like she had an absolute blast! I cannot wait for her to start in January.
I just ask for you to continue to lift our family up in prayer. Not just ours' but those too that have lost a loved one this year. This time of year can be hard on many families. I know it will be on that we will never forget.
I ask that you esp lift my cousin Missy up in prayer as she goes to be with our heavenly Father. It is hard when you have faith and trust in the Lord to not accept that this is his plan, but it is. He knows our souls better than anyone else. He knows that the family would not like to see Missy suffer and not have the quality of life that she so deserves. Please pray for her husband and 2 very young boys that no matter how long it takes, he will accept this plan for him and his family and understand that it is through his faithfulness in the Lord that he will get through this.
Also for my friend Michelle Koester who will under go surgery for something they found on her scan the other day. She has come so far surviving lymphoma and thyroid cancer.
Peace
Wednesday, December 17, 2008
Once again I wanted to thank everyone for their prayers and support. My family for taking care of Claire so well. I miss my baby! My husband who I could not live without! I love you Dennis! The cards that have come in have meant so much to me. The food, thank you Lisa, would love the recipe to your chicken! You have always fed my family well in time of need, that is for sure! Will and Barb our neighbors for the sweets. Can't wait to get into them! Prestons too for a whole bucket of cookies! Yum! Cindy and Bob, I hope you are reading this. Your gift was such a delight! You are such a wonderful, genuine, human being down to the very core of your soul. I am so blessed and honor to know such a wonderful couple. And to think Kade and Claire brought us to gether! Thank you!
I had set back on Monday that really upset me. I began throwing up and was having ab pain, etc. My sister spoke with my surgeon, who by the way is sweet as can be, and she gave us some recommendations. She said if this continues to go to the ER and have then do a scan of my belly to make sure there is no bowel obstruction. Yesterday a.m. I did just that. I am not one to suffer in pain if I do not have to. I am a whiny girl I admit! My husband will tell you that when I am not feeling well. I had gas on my colon and was constipated. Did what the DR told me that day and last night I actually started feeling a little better. I relaxed in a warm tub and I think that helped a bit. I am finally able to see some results. You know your sister loves you when she will help with an enema! Sorry for those that are making a yucky face right now. I was sensitive with my words enough regarding my bowels and lack thereof! It's my blog! Ha!
Tomorrow we go see Dr Rager with a DX. Please pray for patience and trust and understanding in the Lord that this is what he has given me to help make my journey a more, "interesting" one shall we say.
I will try to update or have Dennis do that when we know something.
Stay warm and never forget to tell those around you that you love them
I had set back on Monday that really upset me. I began throwing up and was having ab pain, etc. My sister spoke with my surgeon, who by the way is sweet as can be, and she gave us some recommendations. She said if this continues to go to the ER and have then do a scan of my belly to make sure there is no bowel obstruction. Yesterday a.m. I did just that. I am not one to suffer in pain if I do not have to. I am a whiny girl I admit! My husband will tell you that when I am not feeling well. I had gas on my colon and was constipated. Did what the DR told me that day and last night I actually started feeling a little better. I relaxed in a warm tub and I think that helped a bit. I am finally able to see some results. You know your sister loves you when she will help with an enema! Sorry for those that are making a yucky face right now. I was sensitive with my words enough regarding my bowels and lack thereof! It's my blog! Ha!
Tomorrow we go see Dr Rager with a DX. Please pray for patience and trust and understanding in the Lord that this is what he has given me to help make my journey a more, "interesting" one shall we say.
I will try to update or have Dennis do that when we know something.
Stay warm and never forget to tell those around you that you love them
Sunday, December 14, 2008
It's been a long weekend. I am still sore and tired. I am taking less pain meds though and that is good. Trying to get more food down me, but still not alot tasting real good. I think I have eaten enough bananas though! Of all things, I know!
I am trying to get on to my emails once a day and check them. If you think about it, please hold all forwards for now. All I need to know is that you and your family is doing well. I am not comfortable sitting at the computer long enough to do forwards. I appreciate it!
Now I really know what moms of my mother's generation went through with their C-sections. Whew! At least last time I had surgery I was able to bring home a beautiful baby girl. This time will be an expensive hospital bill and sore tummy for awhile. What is wrong with this picture? Ha!
Not planning on blogging much this week unless I hear sooner from the DR. I get my hair cut Tuesday and am looking forward to that. Claire gets to meet and greet some of her friends Thursday at preschool. Beth Anne will take her for that. My hardest thing is trying not to laugh at Claire and what she does. She is so funny! Esp when she gets to dancing! It makes my stomach hurt more! But makes my heart happy!
Have a great week and enjoy your blessings
I am trying to get on to my emails once a day and check them. If you think about it, please hold all forwards for now. All I need to know is that you and your family is doing well. I am not comfortable sitting at the computer long enough to do forwards. I appreciate it!
Now I really know what moms of my mother's generation went through with their C-sections. Whew! At least last time I had surgery I was able to bring home a beautiful baby girl. This time will be an expensive hospital bill and sore tummy for awhile. What is wrong with this picture? Ha!
Not planning on blogging much this week unless I hear sooner from the DR. I get my hair cut Tuesday and am looking forward to that. Claire gets to meet and greet some of her friends Thursday at preschool. Beth Anne will take her for that. My hardest thing is trying not to laugh at Claire and what she does. She is so funny! Esp when she gets to dancing! It makes my stomach hurt more! But makes my heart happy!
Have a great week and enjoy your blessings
Friday, December 12, 2008
Today has been the first day I have not slept all day. The only time I was getting up was to pop my pain meds. Of course I still am on those.
I am so glad to be home. The staff and Dr Rager were phenomenal. The room was like a hotel room with a fridge, DVR player, flat screen TV. You could also order anything off the menu you wanted at any time. Too bad I enjoyed very little of any of those things.
I am still in alot of pain. I was disappointed in the incision, but knew this was the best decision in getting the most tissue they could. We go back up on Thursday and am hoping to know then more.
Thanks again for all your prayers and support. One of the first things I asked for when I got out of recovery was to see my photo of Claire that I brought with me. I miss not cuddling with her:(
Please continue to keep us in your prayers. I know this has got to be alot on my family and Dennis. I am just so blessed to have them all near by. And I know it is hard on his family not to be closer.
It has also been a very hard week on my cousins and their families. I came home to find out my cousin's daughter had a heart attack and is in very critical condition. Please offer them up in your prayers as well. They would appreciate it.
Have a peace filled weekend!
I am so glad to be home. The staff and Dr Rager were phenomenal. The room was like a hotel room with a fridge, DVR player, flat screen TV. You could also order anything off the menu you wanted at any time. Too bad I enjoyed very little of any of those things.
I am still in alot of pain. I was disappointed in the incision, but knew this was the best decision in getting the most tissue they could. We go back up on Thursday and am hoping to know then more.
Thanks again for all your prayers and support. One of the first things I asked for when I got out of recovery was to see my photo of Claire that I brought with me. I miss not cuddling with her:(
Please continue to keep us in your prayers. I know this has got to be alot on my family and Dennis. I am just so blessed to have them all near by. And I know it is hard on his family not to be closer.
It has also been a very hard week on my cousins and their families. I came home to find out my cousin's daughter had a heart attack and is in very critical condition. Please offer them up in your prayers as well. They would appreciate it.
Have a peace filled weekend!
Thursday, December 11, 2008
Thursday Update
Mary was discharged this morning after her biopsy surgery. I got her back home in Seymour around 1:00 PM. She is still sore, tired and on her pain medication. She has been resting and trying to get some of her appetite back. Dr. Rager told Mary this morning that the pathology report was not yet back, we will patiently wait until next Thursday's appointment to get the results of the biopsy.
Mary and Claire are both adjusting to the limited contact until some healing from the surgery can happen.
A big THANK YOU to Mary's sister Beth and Mom & Dad Gerth for helping out with Claire and everything else over the past 3 days.
Mary and Claire are both adjusting to the limited contact until some healing from the surgery can happen.
A big THANK YOU to Mary's sister Beth and Mom & Dad Gerth for helping out with Claire and everything else over the past 3 days.
Wednesday, December 10, 2008
Wednesday Update
Dennis here again - Mary was not released from the hospital today. Due to having to have the full incision surgery she did not get to have solid food until after lunch around 1:00 PM. Saw Dr. Rager around that time. She was pleased with the amount of tissue she was able to remove to send to the lab for testing. Mary was taken off the IV and all other connective hoses this afternoon and the plan is for release in the morning.
I drove back to Seymour to spend the night with Claire and take her to horseback riding therapy (which ended up being canceled for tonight). I will head back up to Indy to pickup my stuborn fighter in the morning.
Again thank you everyone for your thoughts and prayers. Results of the biopsy still not expected until next Thursday, Dec 18.
With the full surgery Mary will be limited in lifting over 10lbs for the next 6 weeks. Yeah, if you know Mary she is not happy about that considering our little angel is a little heavier than that at this time and with the holidays in this window.
Pray for me and my efforts of getting her to relax and take it easy for this 6 weeks.
Dennis
I drove back to Seymour to spend the night with Claire and take her to horseback riding therapy (which ended up being canceled for tonight). I will head back up to Indy to pickup my stuborn fighter in the morning.
Again thank you everyone for your thoughts and prayers. Results of the biopsy still not expected until next Thursday, Dec 18.
With the full surgery Mary will be limited in lifting over 10lbs for the next 6 weeks. Yeah, if you know Mary she is not happy about that considering our little angel is a little heavier than that at this time and with the holidays in this window.
Pray for me and my efforts of getting her to relax and take it easy for this 6 weeks.
Dennis
Monday, December 8, 2008
P.S. I just heard from my cousin that her twin brother Tom is going to go see a cardilogist tomorrow about fixing a hole in his heart that he was born with. Of course, nowdays, they do this usually following birth. So please lift him up in prayer too that everything goes well and that he finds the strength and peace that he is looking for.
Thank you!
Thank you!
Happy Monday everyone! I figured I had best post now because who knows when I will get back on. I will have Dennis bring his laptop to the hospital and we will see if I can post from there.
I am getting nervous about my surgery, but I also know it is a positive step forward. It seems like I have been waiting forever for this day.
Busy weekend trying to get everything done. I baked and got gifts out to therapists and neighbors. I know the Japanese family across the street is probably going to think I am wack-O giving them their treats already! Took another long 3 hour nap yesterday. So did Claire! Must be something in the air! I don't know why she cant do that for me during the week! Ha!
We had her IEP meeting today at preschool. We discussed her strenghts and weakness' and found out what they recommend for services. I was pleased with the outcome. I am going to try and get her in for a couple hours to meet her new friends before they break for Christmas. This will be interesting. With the tests they did, it was decided that she is between moderate and mildly delayed in her cognitive. Our goal is to get her the "mild" label so to speak. Somehow I don't think that will take long. She is always eager to please and to learn new things.
So my procedure is at 2:00. It should take 2 hours. Please say a silent prayer if you are thinking about it, I would appreciate it. My sister, Dennis and I will say a prayer before surgery as well.
Have a great week and blessings and peace on your week!
I am getting nervous about my surgery, but I also know it is a positive step forward. It seems like I have been waiting forever for this day.
Busy weekend trying to get everything done. I baked and got gifts out to therapists and neighbors. I know the Japanese family across the street is probably going to think I am wack-O giving them their treats already! Took another long 3 hour nap yesterday. So did Claire! Must be something in the air! I don't know why she cant do that for me during the week! Ha!
We had her IEP meeting today at preschool. We discussed her strenghts and weakness' and found out what they recommend for services. I was pleased with the outcome. I am going to try and get her in for a couple hours to meet her new friends before they break for Christmas. This will be interesting. With the tests they did, it was decided that she is between moderate and mildly delayed in her cognitive. Our goal is to get her the "mild" label so to speak. Somehow I don't think that will take long. She is always eager to please and to learn new things.
So my procedure is at 2:00. It should take 2 hours. Please say a silent prayer if you are thinking about it, I would appreciate it. My sister, Dennis and I will say a prayer before surgery as well.
Have a great week and blessings and peace on your week!
Thursday, December 4, 2008
I hope everyone is having a great week! Please take a minute to watch this video from the National Down syndrome center. It is awesome!
http://www.ndsccenter.org/morealike/flash/
http://www.ndsccenter.org/morealike/flash/
Sunday, November 30, 2008
It certainly has been a nice 5 days having Dennis home and all of us being together. I had a 24 hour bug Saturday and had to miss my brother Tony's 50th birthday party. I hated being at home alone! But I also got some well needed rest. It seems as though lately I have not wanted to be around crowds. Don't get me wrong, not family or friends or church, but places like Wal-Mart and the grocery store. Ok, I guess who really likes going to those places! I just want to hole up and live in my own little world right now. BUT.... if I do that this will mean that cancer is taking control and we all know that I do not like that! Tomorrow is a new day! I have to go get my chest x-ray and my blood work done before my biopsy on the 9th. I will have to call the surgeons office to make sure the hospital faxes the info. My luck I would get to the hospital the day of surgery and they not have the information. I just want to get all my ducks in a row.
I am going to make an effort to enjoy this time of year and appreciate the true meaning and why I am here. It can be so easy to feel sorry for myself and feel pity, but those of you that know me, know that this is not how I feel or would want to feel. I keep saying that once I start treatment is when I am going to be a wimp and complain! ha! I don't want people to look at me and feel sorry for me. I have been given cancer for a reason. I don't know when I will know why, but I know my God and he knows what I am capable of. I always know this is why he gave us Claire. Who by the way is a real spitfire! Oh my! January and preschool cannot come fast enough! Ha! Most parents hate to see their kids start school. Not me. I am so excited for her to start because I know that she will love it. Her new thing is dancing to music. She esp. loves "Hairspray." She will stand up and tap her butt and then shake it. I think daddy taught her that. Ha!
I don't plan to blog much this week. That being said, things could change.
Blessings on your week!
I am going to make an effort to enjoy this time of year and appreciate the true meaning and why I am here. It can be so easy to feel sorry for myself and feel pity, but those of you that know me, know that this is not how I feel or would want to feel. I keep saying that once I start treatment is when I am going to be a wimp and complain! ha! I don't want people to look at me and feel sorry for me. I have been given cancer for a reason. I don't know when I will know why, but I know my God and he knows what I am capable of. I always know this is why he gave us Claire. Who by the way is a real spitfire! Oh my! January and preschool cannot come fast enough! Ha! Most parents hate to see their kids start school. Not me. I am so excited for her to start because I know that she will love it. Her new thing is dancing to music. She esp. loves "Hairspray." She will stand up and tap her butt and then shake it. I think daddy taught her that. Ha!
I don't plan to blog much this week. That being said, things could change.
Blessings on your week!
Thursday, November 27, 2008
Happy Thanksgiving! This prayer was in the paper today and I thought it was so appropriate and wonderful, that if you did not get a chance to see it, here it is:
We come to this table today, O Lord, humble and thankful and glad.
We thank Thee first for the great miracle of life, for the exaltation of being human,for the capacity to love.
We thank Thee for joys both great and simple-
For wonder, dreams, and hope;
For the newness of each day;
For laughter and song and a merry heart;
For compassion waiting within to be kindled;
For the forbearance of friends and the smile of a stranger:
For the arching of the earth and trees and heavens fruits of all three;
For the wisdom of the old;
For the courage of the young;
For the promise of the child;
For the strength that comes when needed;
For this family united here today.
Of those to whom much is given, much is required.
May we and our children remember this.
Amen.
Please be sure today to Thank God for all of your blessings! I am thankful for every one of my friends and family. I am thankful for my health, despite the cancer. Please lift a pray up for those that are less fortunate than us and for those that cannot or are not with us today. ( I give this day up for my Aunt Dot who I loved dearly and for Jim Thomas and his family)
Blessings and Peace!
We come to this table today, O Lord, humble and thankful and glad.
We thank Thee first for the great miracle of life, for the exaltation of being human,for the capacity to love.
We thank Thee for joys both great and simple-
For wonder, dreams, and hope;
For the newness of each day;
For laughter and song and a merry heart;
For compassion waiting within to be kindled;
For the forbearance of friends and the smile of a stranger:
For the arching of the earth and trees and heavens fruits of all three;
For the wisdom of the old;
For the courage of the young;
For the promise of the child;
For the strength that comes when needed;
For this family united here today.
Of those to whom much is given, much is required.
May we and our children remember this.
Amen.
Please be sure today to Thank God for all of your blessings! I am thankful for every one of my friends and family. I am thankful for my health, despite the cancer. Please lift a pray up for those that are less fortunate than us and for those that cannot or are not with us today. ( I give this day up for my Aunt Dot who I loved dearly and for Jim Thomas and his family)
Blessings and Peace!
Sunday, November 23, 2008
Love the sunshine despite the cold weather! Yesterday I had a ball with my girlfriends shopping. Thank you Amy, Janet, and Sharon. What a riot! I was not even tired after 12 hours! The best thing I bought were matching holiday aprons for Claire and I to cook in! These we can use year after year too.
I was trying on hats at Kohl's and me losing my hair was mentioned. This woman commented on a hat I was wearing and then excused herself for listening in and told me about her journey with breast cancer.
I remember after Claire was born , how refreshing and encouraging it was and still is, to meet other parents of special needs children. To know that we are going through the same thing they are. To try to make our children as independent and happy as they can be, while getting them the best education as possible. I am meeting new people as well on this new journey I am on. I embrace all their stories and pray for them for being so brave to share with me.
Know that we are all on our own individual journeys in life, but headed in the same direction as well. I lived with an oncology nurse in WI. She really taught me some valuable lessons. I esp. learned that no matter what the circumstance, all people should be given the opportunity to have the best quality of life until their last breath. We should all embrace our differences.
Take time out today to just smile or say hi to someone on your daily walk or in the store. You will be surprised what a difference that can make to one person!:)
I was trying on hats at Kohl's and me losing my hair was mentioned. This woman commented on a hat I was wearing and then excused herself for listening in and told me about her journey with breast cancer.
I remember after Claire was born , how refreshing and encouraging it was and still is, to meet other parents of special needs children. To know that we are going through the same thing they are. To try to make our children as independent and happy as they can be, while getting them the best education as possible. I am meeting new people as well on this new journey I am on. I embrace all their stories and pray for them for being so brave to share with me.
Know that we are all on our own individual journeys in life, but headed in the same direction as well. I lived with an oncology nurse in WI. She really taught me some valuable lessons. I esp. learned that no matter what the circumstance, all people should be given the opportunity to have the best quality of life until their last breath. We should all embrace our differences.
Take time out today to just smile or say hi to someone on your daily walk or in the store. You will be surprised what a difference that can make to one person!:)
Friday, November 21, 2008
Good Afternoon! I spoke with the surgeon's assistant today and have a scheduled date for my biopsy. Apparently they don't call, they just send out paperwork and assume the date is fine. Of course, any date was fine with me.
I go in on December 9th. I have to be at the hospital at 12:30 and the surgery will be at 2:00. It is scheduled to last 2 hours. I will have to stay overnight for observation. Not liking the thought of that, but hey, it is not up to me and I cannot complain because I have been waiting for this. Hopefully the lapriscopic will work, otherwise I will have to stay in the hospital longer. That day is also my good friend Diane's birthday. I will offer that day up for her!"It is a great day to be born!"(tee-hee Di!)
I will have a chest x-ray and blood work done in Seymour before I go. I am already nervous and thinking about how hard it will be to leave Claire overnight. Somehow I don't think Dennis is going to let me spend the night alone.
Thank you once again for your prayers and cards, etc... I know how busy we are all, esp this time of year and I know how life happens. So thank you for taking the time to continue to pray for my family and know that you are all in my prayers as well!
Go out and enjoy your weekend and don't forget to tell someone close to you that you love them!
I go in on December 9th. I have to be at the hospital at 12:30 and the surgery will be at 2:00. It is scheduled to last 2 hours. I will have to stay overnight for observation. Not liking the thought of that, but hey, it is not up to me and I cannot complain because I have been waiting for this. Hopefully the lapriscopic will work, otherwise I will have to stay in the hospital longer. That day is also my good friend Diane's birthday. I will offer that day up for her!"It is a great day to be born!"(tee-hee Di!)
I will have a chest x-ray and blood work done in Seymour before I go. I am already nervous and thinking about how hard it will be to leave Claire overnight. Somehow I don't think Dennis is going to let me spend the night alone.
Thank you once again for your prayers and cards, etc... I know how busy we are all, esp this time of year and I know how life happens. So thank you for taking the time to continue to pray for my family and know that you are all in my prayers as well!
Go out and enjoy your weekend and don't forget to tell someone close to you that you love them!
Wednesday, November 19, 2008
I just wanted to take a minute to reach out to those that feel they are afraid to ask me how I am or just feel it will upset me. I wear my heart on my sleeve. I am an open book.
For 5 years I did volunteer work at an AIDS organization in WI. For 6 years I was a hospice volunteer here. I have been around the sick and they dying alot. I have been with someone when they have passed. Now do I feel that makes me any braver, hell no. I am just as scared as everyone else who has walked in my shoes. Who wouldn't be? But I am not afraid to talk about how I am doing or how I am feeling.
So if you see me out and want to ask or just say "hi" please do so. I promise I won't have a major meltdown in the middle of a store and embarrass you! Ha!
Peace!
For 5 years I did volunteer work at an AIDS organization in WI. For 6 years I was a hospice volunteer here. I have been around the sick and they dying alot. I have been with someone when they have passed. Now do I feel that makes me any braver, hell no. I am just as scared as everyone else who has walked in my shoes. Who wouldn't be? But I am not afraid to talk about how I am doing or how I am feeling.
So if you see me out and want to ask or just say "hi" please do so. I promise I won't have a major meltdown in the middle of a store and embarrass you! Ha!
Peace!
Tuesday, November 18, 2008
Last night Dennis kicked me out of the house to go to a "girls night out" Mary Kay open house. I did stay later than I had planned. Thank you Mandy for sharing some of your mom's journey with me. Very inspirational, esp the wig part! Tee-Hee! I went home right away and got online to look at head coverings. Specifically cute little hats, etc.... I found some hats with hair (wigs) attached! I wondered if anyone would suspect anything if I wore one with long blond hair! Though fun to look at really, it was one of those reality moments, "I have cancer."
Tonight I had the opportunity to speak with Michelle Koester about her journey and what a journey she has had. Thank God she is doing well and is healthy. She will be a good person to talk to when I have questions and I am having some rotten days. She was saying how she didn't mind losing her hair, but didn't like the fact that she lost her eyebrows and eyelashes! This is so me! It is not about my hair, but my health! But really, I like my eyelashes!
Saturday I am going shopping with some girls for a day of shopping. We went to Chicago last year, but this year I didn't want to be out in the cold so much. Since we don't have any serious shopping to do, we are going to Keystone at the Crossing. I love Crate and Barrel and Pottery Barn, so this will be fun! Plus there is just so much to do in the area too. Honestly, I could spend all day in the Barnes and Nobles if it was up to me!
Blessings!
Tonight I had the opportunity to speak with Michelle Koester about her journey and what a journey she has had. Thank God she is doing well and is healthy. She will be a good person to talk to when I have questions and I am having some rotten days. She was saying how she didn't mind losing her hair, but didn't like the fact that she lost her eyebrows and eyelashes! This is so me! It is not about my hair, but my health! But really, I like my eyelashes!
Saturday I am going shopping with some girls for a day of shopping. We went to Chicago last year, but this year I didn't want to be out in the cold so much. Since we don't have any serious shopping to do, we are going to Keystone at the Crossing. I love Crate and Barrel and Pottery Barn, so this will be fun! Plus there is just so much to do in the area too. Honestly, I could spend all day in the Barnes and Nobles if it was up to me!
Blessings!
Monday, November 17, 2008
I hope everyone had a nice and relaxing weekend. I did get my hair cut short again. It is just easier to take care of this way. We took Claire to the refuge for photos yesterday. I cannot wait to see them. While it was a bit chilly, she was a great trooper and did well.
Today she was evaluated for services at school. The school pyschologist, the physical therapist, the speech therapist and the teacher were there. The occupational therapist was out sick. I certainly hope this has no effect on her percentage of OT that she will receive. The speech therapist commented that it was nice to see that we did not coddle her and we let her explore and have a mind of her own. I told her I always expect more than she is probably capable of doing. They said she has a drive to learn and be independent. Amen to that! Too much sometimes! We meet again in December to discuss her IEP(individual education plan).
Praying I hear from the surgeon this week to set up a time for a biopsy. There is a billboard in Seymour as you are going West on 50. It is right past CVS to your right. It shows an African-American woman, and it says, "I am powerful." I do not even know what the board is advertising, but looking at it, it is powerful. I love it. I always have to remember that "I am powerful." And not in the sense of wealth or materialistic things, but because I am a strong individual and that I know my God is there beside me through all of this. I am not naive. I know this is going to be a tough journey. I don't ever ask why? I never have with Claire either. I know for a fact that God chooses all of us to go through trials in our lives for a reason. That being said, I don't think I am ready to say Thank you for giving me cancer, but I know there is a reason and he chose me for whatever reason that is.
Peace!
Today she was evaluated for services at school. The school pyschologist, the physical therapist, the speech therapist and the teacher were there. The occupational therapist was out sick. I certainly hope this has no effect on her percentage of OT that she will receive. The speech therapist commented that it was nice to see that we did not coddle her and we let her explore and have a mind of her own. I told her I always expect more than she is probably capable of doing. They said she has a drive to learn and be independent. Amen to that! Too much sometimes! We meet again in December to discuss her IEP(individual education plan).
Praying I hear from the surgeon this week to set up a time for a biopsy. There is a billboard in Seymour as you are going West on 50. It is right past CVS to your right. It shows an African-American woman, and it says, "I am powerful." I do not even know what the board is advertising, but looking at it, it is powerful. I love it. I always have to remember that "I am powerful." And not in the sense of wealth or materialistic things, but because I am a strong individual and that I know my God is there beside me through all of this. I am not naive. I know this is going to be a tough journey. I don't ever ask why? I never have with Claire either. I know for a fact that God chooses all of us to go through trials in our lives for a reason. That being said, I don't think I am ready to say Thank you for giving me cancer, but I know there is a reason and he chose me for whatever reason that is.
Peace!
Saturday, November 15, 2008
Gayla, I know. It is very frustrating. Another 2 weeks of waiting is going to drive me nuts, but as I said, I have to learn patience. I feel confident and comfortable with this DR because she does routine biopsies on the nodes and is a well reputable surgeon. Although I did have to laugh...my mom told me of a man who had her as his surgeon and really liked her.(and this was before I had finally heard from her!) I said ya, I am real impressed with her so far! Ha! Honestly, I know that once I have the biopsy things will go fast from there. Oh Gayla, yes, you can add me to your sidebar.
I just want to thank everyone again for the wonderful emails, comments and well wishes. As far as helping out, I am sure I will need help once I start treatment. Not sure about chemo, but I know radiation is everyday generally.
Great day to cuddle up with your kids and spouses!
I just want to thank everyone again for the wonderful emails, comments and well wishes. As far as helping out, I am sure I will need help once I start treatment. Not sure about chemo, but I know radiation is everyday generally.
Great day to cuddle up with your kids and spouses!
Friday, November 14, 2008
I called the DR office again this morning. Finally got to talk with a person! Her assistant did not find anything in her records as far as scheduling a biopsy for me. She told me she would talk to Dr Rager and get back with me. Dr Rager just called me. She said she consulted with the radiologist and the nodes are too close to blood vessels to do the needle biopsy. She is going to have to do a lapriscopic biopsy. If this does not work, she will have to make an incision and I will have to spend a couple days in the hospital. So, her plans are to go in and remove a node to look at. She told me she didn't think this was a pressing issue and that they were booked until Thanksgiving anyway. So at this point looks like I won't be having my biopsy until the first week of December. And so I wait....some more! Ugh! I am even wondering now if I won't start treatment until the first of the year. By the time I get the biopsy and then hook up with an oncologist, I am sure it will not be until January. All I can do is pray and pray for patience, because at this point that seems to be what I am lacking!
Have a wonderful weekend!
Have a wonderful weekend!
Thursday, November 13, 2008
It has been a disappointing week. I heard nothing from the DR in Indy. I was told to call by Thursday if I did not hear from her. I called Tuesday and today. The only number I have goes directly to her assistant's vm. I even called Schneck to make sure they sent the disc to her. They sent it overnight the same day! So I know they have it. It is nervewracking to be in this situation and not have a solution. Once I have the biopsy at least I will be able to know what kind of lymphoma I have. And there are so many different types. I have included some links my sister passed on to give you an idea:
http://www.cancer.org/docroot/CRI/CRI_2_3x.asp?dt=32 and
http://www.cancer.org/docroot/CRI/CRI_2_3x.asp?dt=84
I am hoping to hear something before the weekend. Surely they won't leave me hanging until Monday!
The biggest problem I am having right now is that this is all happening when I want to be able to teach Claire so much. I feel like she is going to get the short end of the stick this year. I have been told over and over again that I need to put myself first during this process. How do you do that as a mother and wife? Esp of a special needs child? I love being home with her and being able to teach her so many things. But with her starting preschool in January, I can rest assure that most of her needs will be met there. I just know that this coming year will be filled with appts., treatments, and recovery. All I can do is "Trust in my heavenly Father." Thank you Cheri!(and Aunt Dot)
Saturday I am getting my hair cut. It has been 8 weeks because I thought I would let it grow out. I have no patience for this. Sunday we are taking Claire to the refuge where our friends Bill and Lois Bryden are going to take photos of her. Dennis is wanting family photos as well...we will see about that! Ha!
Blessings and Peace!
http://www.cancer.org/docroot/CRI/CRI_2_3x.asp?dt=32 and
http://www.cancer.org/docroot/CRI/CRI_2_3x.asp?dt=84
I am hoping to hear something before the weekend. Surely they won't leave me hanging until Monday!
The biggest problem I am having right now is that this is all happening when I want to be able to teach Claire so much. I feel like she is going to get the short end of the stick this year. I have been told over and over again that I need to put myself first during this process. How do you do that as a mother and wife? Esp of a special needs child? I love being home with her and being able to teach her so many things. But with her starting preschool in January, I can rest assure that most of her needs will be met there. I just know that this coming year will be filled with appts., treatments, and recovery. All I can do is "Trust in my heavenly Father." Thank you Cheri!(and Aunt Dot)
Saturday I am getting my hair cut. It has been 8 weeks because I thought I would let it grow out. I have no patience for this. Sunday we are taking Claire to the refuge where our friends Bill and Lois Bryden are going to take photos of her. Dennis is wanting family photos as well...we will see about that! Ha!
Blessings and Peace!
Tuesday, November 11, 2008
Today is Veterans Day(Happy birthday mom!). Don't forget to lift a prayer for the veterans and the men and women serving us now in the armed forces. Pray for them not just today, but everyday. They are awesome heroes.
I am requesting a couple of prayers for some friends and family members. My cousin Tommy died Tuesday of a heart attack. Please pray for his family. While we all know that he has been called to something greater, the family still grieves his lose.
I received an email from my friend Lissa. Her daughter Karsen, who has Angelmans syndrome, is having feeding issues. They will be spending the next week at St Vincents trying to help Karsen and figure out what is going on. Please keep them all in prayer as well. Karsen is a trooper and beautiful child. To learn more about Angelman's, I have included a link:http://www.angelman.org/stay-informed/facts-about-angelman-syndrome/
Blessings on your day!
I am requesting a couple of prayers for some friends and family members. My cousin Tommy died Tuesday of a heart attack. Please pray for his family. While we all know that he has been called to something greater, the family still grieves his lose.
I received an email from my friend Lissa. Her daughter Karsen, who has Angelmans syndrome, is having feeding issues. They will be spending the next week at St Vincents trying to help Karsen and figure out what is going on. Please keep them all in prayer as well. Karsen is a trooper and beautiful child. To learn more about Angelman's, I have included a link:http://www.angelman.org/stay-informed/facts-about-angelman-syndrome/
Blessings on your day!
Monday, November 10, 2008
It is a cold day in Seymour but the sun is shining. I have posted a couple of videos to songs I really like. One of them is from Third Day and titled "Take it all." The other is from Point of Grace and is, "How you lived." Sorry rock fans, these are both from contemporary Christian groups!
I have decided to give Dr Rager's office a call tomorrow to make sure they have gotten the disc that they need to set up my biopsy. I am trying not to live in this bubble that I feel I am in. It is hard for me to hear of other's hardships when I want to shout,"But I have cancer!" and anyone who knows me knows that this is not me. I feel I am a compassionate and caring person. I really don't like the focus to be on me. So please forgive me. Once I feel I am on track I will feel more in tuned to what is going on around me.
Enjoy the rest of the day!
I have decided to give Dr Rager's office a call tomorrow to make sure they have gotten the disc that they need to set up my biopsy. I am trying not to live in this bubble that I feel I am in. It is hard for me to hear of other's hardships when I want to shout,"But I have cancer!" and anyone who knows me knows that this is not me. I feel I am a compassionate and caring person. I really don't like the focus to be on me. So please forgive me. Once I feel I am on track I will feel more in tuned to what is going on around me.
Enjoy the rest of the day!
Sunday, November 9, 2008
We had a good weekend. Yesterday we went to a couple of craft shows and then up to Target to get Claire's Christmas present, a play kitchen set. I know she is going to love it! I actually laid on the couch the rest of the afternoon. Not a feat so easy to do for me. Sunday was church and a 3 hour nap!
I had a small meltdown on Saturday night. I hate having those. I know better. They do me no good and no one else either. It just feels as though there are so many steps to get to where I want to be with this whole "cancer" thing. Ideally I would love to start any treatment before Christmas. I do not like to lolly gag around. This being said, we will have to wait and see what the oncologists feels is the best thing to do. I am certainly putting all of this in God's hands.
The next few months are going to be so busy. Claire gets tested the 17th at school by all the therapists and school psychologists. I hope she does not have her game on and gets lots of services! Ha! A couple of weeks after that we have her first IEP(Individual Education Plan) She then starts preschool in January. She is certainly coming into her own. She can put her own socks on now. So much to always work on, but the end result is awesome!
Hopefully I will be able to tell you that in a few days I will have a biopsy scheduled. Who ever thought I would actually want to get all of this done!
Have a wonderful blessing filled week!
I had a small meltdown on Saturday night. I hate having those. I know better. They do me no good and no one else either. It just feels as though there are so many steps to get to where I want to be with this whole "cancer" thing. Ideally I would love to start any treatment before Christmas. I do not like to lolly gag around. This being said, we will have to wait and see what the oncologists feels is the best thing to do. I am certainly putting all of this in God's hands.
The next few months are going to be so busy. Claire gets tested the 17th at school by all the therapists and school psychologists. I hope she does not have her game on and gets lots of services! Ha! A couple of weeks after that we have her first IEP(Individual Education Plan) She then starts preschool in January. She is certainly coming into her own. She can put her own socks on now. So much to always work on, but the end result is awesome!
Hopefully I will be able to tell you that in a few days I will have a biopsy scheduled. Who ever thought I would actually want to get all of this done!
Have a wonderful blessing filled week!
Friday, November 7, 2008
Today has been a good day. Even though the appt didnt go as I would have liked yesterday. I do feel it is at least a step forward in the right direction. Claire and I went to story time at the library which she loves! I love to see her get up and dance and participate and do all the motions just like all the other kiddos.
I decided not to go to the concert tonight. Just not feeling like being around a large crowd of people. We are meeting some friends for dinner instead, so that will be nice. Not alot planned for the weekend but rest!
Hope everyone has a good one!
I decided not to go to the concert tonight. Just not feeling like being around a large crowd of people. We are meeting some friends for dinner instead, so that will be nice. Not alot planned for the weekend but rest!
Hope everyone has a good one!
Thursday, November 6, 2008
Today I had my DR appt with the surgeon at Clarion West. Wasn't what I would have liked. Dr Rager is very nice and well spoken. Unfortunately, I did not have a disc of my CT-scan or PET scan. She really needed to see this to find out where the lymphnodes are. She could not feel them in my abs or my collarbone. Though there was fullness more on the left side of my collar bone.
Being that she is a surgeon, she did not feel comfortable making a diagnosis. This being said, we all admitted that having a 2 inch swollen lymphnode is not common.
The next step is to have the biopsy. She is hoping it will just be a needle biopsy and she can do that in her office. She needs to consult with the radiologists to see exactly where the nodes are. I am sure the collarbone will be the easiest to test. After this we should know within 3-4 days what type of lymphoma I have. If I would have gone to Seymour for my biopsy, it would have taken longer to get the tests back, etc... I am so thankful I chose to go elsewhere. As far as surgery, she felt that the nodes with cancer would not have to be surgically removed. She felt that this way we could track them and the treatment and see they were responding to the treatment. Also, she felt a surgical biopsy would be the last resort.
After we find out what kind of lymphoma, she will hook me up with an oncologist at IU med.
So, I am disappointed not having left there with scheduled biopsy, but I should hear something from her within a week.
I have to remember that God is in control. It is hard when you are a control freak and like to have things the way you want to have them yesterday! Ha!
Once again, thank you for your daily prayers. It is overwhelming for me to know that people that dont even know me are praying for me.
Tomorrow night I am going with the youth group from Peace to the Third Day concert at IU auditrium. Diana Thomas and her kids are going with as well. Please lift them up in prayer as well. It has not been that long ago that she lost her husband Jim to cancer. I am hoping this concert will be a good outlet for them.
Being that she is a surgeon, she did not feel comfortable making a diagnosis. This being said, we all admitted that having a 2 inch swollen lymphnode is not common.
The next step is to have the biopsy. She is hoping it will just be a needle biopsy and she can do that in her office. She needs to consult with the radiologists to see exactly where the nodes are. I am sure the collarbone will be the easiest to test. After this we should know within 3-4 days what type of lymphoma I have. If I would have gone to Seymour for my biopsy, it would have taken longer to get the tests back, etc... I am so thankful I chose to go elsewhere. As far as surgery, she felt that the nodes with cancer would not have to be surgically removed. She felt that this way we could track them and the treatment and see they were responding to the treatment. Also, she felt a surgical biopsy would be the last resort.
After we find out what kind of lymphoma, she will hook me up with an oncologist at IU med.
So, I am disappointed not having left there with scheduled biopsy, but I should hear something from her within a week.
I have to remember that God is in control. It is hard when you are a control freak and like to have things the way you want to have them yesterday! Ha!
Once again, thank you for your daily prayers. It is overwhelming for me to know that people that dont even know me are praying for me.
Tomorrow night I am going with the youth group from Peace to the Third Day concert at IU auditrium. Diana Thomas and her kids are going with as well. Please lift them up in prayer as well. It has not been that long ago that she lost her husband Jim to cancer. I am hoping this concert will be a good outlet for them.
Wednesday, November 5, 2008
Another beautiful day! Thank you Lord for the sunshine! I want to thank everyone for the cards and well wishes I have received so far. It does my heart good. Claire has her horseback riding lessons tonight. She wakes up every morning signing "horse." She loves these lessons! I am so happy she does. They are so good for her. Dennis is going to take her alone tonight so that I can have alittle time to myself. I think that is good!
My sister and I are anxious to see the DR tomorrow in Indy and see what she has to say. At least this is a start in the right direction.
At least this week I am a little more focused than last week. I think I was in a daze the whole week. I really do. Knowing that God has a plan for me and my recovery makes me more at peace. I don't feel I am as strong as people think I am. I am just realistic and know I have a family to raise and I know that for a fact it is not doing anyone any good being all worried and depressed. Claire is a smart cookie and in the last few weeks she has known that something is going on because she has been so clingy. This is a better week.
Go out and enjoy the day!
My sister and I are anxious to see the DR tomorrow in Indy and see what she has to say. At least this is a start in the right direction.
At least this week I am a little more focused than last week. I think I was in a daze the whole week. I really do. Knowing that God has a plan for me and my recovery makes me more at peace. I don't feel I am as strong as people think I am. I am just realistic and know I have a family to raise and I know that for a fact it is not doing anyone any good being all worried and depressed. Claire is a smart cookie and in the last few weeks she has known that something is going on because she has been so clingy. This is a better week.
Go out and enjoy the day!
Tuesday, November 4, 2008
What a beautiful morning! Claire and I need to get out and take a walk around the neighborhood. I think the leaves on the trees are finally turning and looking gorgeous! I love fall, it is my favorite time of the year.
Thank you all for accepting my invitation to join me on this journey. I believe this blog will help me get through alot of bumps in the road to come and it is such a blessing to read that you are all praying for me. Know that your families are in my prayers as well. I know for a fact that prayer is the most precious and powerful gift you can give anyone! This is all I will ever ask of any of you.
"Bring me joy, bring me peace,
bring the chance to be free,
bring me anything that brings you glory.
And I know there'll be days, when this life brings me pain,
but if that's what it takes to praise you,
Jesus Bring the Rain."
Lyrics and song by Mercy Me, "Bring the Rain."
Thank you all for accepting my invitation to join me on this journey. I believe this blog will help me get through alot of bumps in the road to come and it is such a blessing to read that you are all praying for me. Know that your families are in my prayers as well. I know for a fact that prayer is the most precious and powerful gift you can give anyone! This is all I will ever ask of any of you.
"Bring me joy, bring me peace,
bring the chance to be free,
bring me anything that brings you glory.
And I know there'll be days, when this life brings me pain,
but if that's what it takes to praise you,
Jesus Bring the Rain."
Lyrics and song by Mercy Me, "Bring the Rain."
Monday, November 3, 2008
Monday, November 3,2008
This is my first post to this blog. I am so blessed to have so many friends and family praying for me, that I thought it would be a good idea to try my hand at blogging to keep them updated on what is going on.
People have to realize that cancer is not a bad thing to talk about. It drives me crazy the people I meet that do not want to talk about it. Why not?
My journey began with a kidney stone. Talk about a "God thing." The end result was a PET scan. This found the 5 swollen lymph nodes in my abdomen. The largest being 2 inches long. A lymph node is typically the size of a bean. The PET scan also found a swollen node underneath my collar bone on the left side of my body. I am thankful that the cancer is confined to the lymph nodes thus far.
Thursday I have an appt with a DR in Indy that does biopsies on the nodes and removes them as well. In my ideal world, I would get in next week for the biopsy as well. I know this will highly be unlikely.
I am so anxious to get the biopsies done and to find out what kind of lymphoma I have as well as what the Dr feel will be the best treatment.
It is so mentally draining to know that there is cancer inside of me and not being able to control it.
I have to say too that I am so blessed to have the best husband in the world. I know this is hard on him as well. We have shed a few tears together over this as we did when we got our daughter's diagnosis almost 3 years ago. This in itself has taught me that cancer is not a bad word or the end of the world. Down syndrome was not either.
Right now I look to my sister for inspiration. She was diagnosed 8 years ago with lymphoma. She went through radiation. I am hoping to be as lucky, but feel I will need chemo as well if not just chemo. We decided to have a party if I go through chemo and lose my hair. My sister will do the honor of shaving my head. I have already that I refuse to wear a wig! I have nothing to hide and it is not about my hair.
Today I am thankful for the sunshine and the beautiful weather.
People have to realize that cancer is not a bad thing to talk about. It drives me crazy the people I meet that do not want to talk about it. Why not?
My journey began with a kidney stone. Talk about a "God thing." The end result was a PET scan. This found the 5 swollen lymph nodes in my abdomen. The largest being 2 inches long. A lymph node is typically the size of a bean. The PET scan also found a swollen node underneath my collar bone on the left side of my body. I am thankful that the cancer is confined to the lymph nodes thus far.
Thursday I have an appt with a DR in Indy that does biopsies on the nodes and removes them as well. In my ideal world, I would get in next week for the biopsy as well. I know this will highly be unlikely.
I am so anxious to get the biopsies done and to find out what kind of lymphoma I have as well as what the Dr feel will be the best treatment.
It is so mentally draining to know that there is cancer inside of me and not being able to control it.
I have to say too that I am so blessed to have the best husband in the world. I know this is hard on him as well. We have shed a few tears together over this as we did when we got our daughter's diagnosis almost 3 years ago. This in itself has taught me that cancer is not a bad word or the end of the world. Down syndrome was not either.
Right now I look to my sister for inspiration. She was diagnosed 8 years ago with lymphoma. She went through radiation. I am hoping to be as lucky, but feel I will need chemo as well if not just chemo. We decided to have a party if I go through chemo and lose my hair. My sister will do the honor of shaving my head. I have already that I refuse to wear a wig! I have nothing to hide and it is not about my hair.
Today I am thankful for the sunshine and the beautiful weather.
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