A shout out to Kelly Stephens for coming by and saying hi and helping me carry all my goodies to the car. You are a sweet, sweet woman!

I am sitting in the chemo lounge receiving my last treatment. I arrived to my sister bringing me flowers and a card! I had baked cookies in the shape of ribbons and Beth Anne tinted the frosting lime green. And then, Jan's sister Robin brought in a ribbon shaped cake and balloons! What a nice surprise! Thank you Jan and Robin.I think the nurses like it too! It really is bittersweet with alot of emotions. Happy that it is the last treatment. But I also know that it is still a long road ahead with port flushes every month, follow up visits every 3-4 months, and scans every 6 months. But I am ready to get these toxins out of my body!!

The weekend was OK. Friday I had lunch with my friends Becky and Linda. We started out at Batar, but they were closed for vacation. Drats too! I had my heart set on the chicken salad plate. So we went ahead and had lunch at the Kensignton Tea Room. Always good food there. Thank you ladies for the cards, the gifts and the blessing of friendship.

Friday night we all started to feel a little yucky. Sinus's and allergies got the best of us. Saturday we did very little. We wanted to attend Central Christians One Night One Light concert, but figured with allergies and it being outside, not the best thing to do.

Sunday I went to mass while Claire and Dennis stayed home. This was pretty much our weekend.

Not looking forward to the week, but at least I know this is my last week to hopefully feel this way.

Blessings to everyone!

Why do we have days where we feel sorry for ourselves? I know it is a waste of time and energy, but it just still happens. I guess we all do it. I am so tired of feeling ugly. I am sick of not having hair. During this entire journey, I haven't really cared much. My mantra was,"it is all about my health, not my hair." But now I am sick of not having hair. My hair has not fallen out, but I think it has stopped growing. I am not used to seeing myself 40 pounds lighter and I feel like I look sick. Not that I was happy 40 pounds heavier! I just feel like I look like a cancer patient...oh ya, I am! It is amazing the people that stop me and ask me if I have cancer. They usually have loved ones going through it or have gone through it. I can't blame them. After Claire was born, anytime I ran into parents with a child with Down syndrome, I would stop them and talk to them. Freaked a woman out one day in Target! Ooops! I think the parents of the older children appreciate it and always offer what they have experienced raising a special needs child.
Looking forward to a relaxing weekend. I have a funeral on Saturday. We are going to try and go to Central Christians One Night One Light concert. Looks like rain is possible, so we will see.
Lunch tomorrow with a couple of friends I use to do casework with at Batar. yum!
Blessings for a great weekend!

I found this poem on the interenet. Love it!
I was given a gift,wrapped shabbily, it was non-returnable,non-refundable!Reluctantly I accepted it.
In it I found courage I never knew existed and a patience far beyond anything ever experienced.I was given the ability to trust a stranger with that most dear to me, and an endurance for the unknown.I was given unconditional love of family and friends,always there, never stopping, never faltering.I was given many prayers from far and wide,and the warmth of knowing I am truly cared about.I was given a fond farewell of my modesty and vanity,and the acceptance and love of an imperfect body.I was given a strong shoulder to lean on when that shoulder had once grown distant,and laughter and good times, more special than ever before.I was given many new friends,wonderful, courageous women I am so very proud to know.I was given warm sunshine and beautiful green grass,blue skies, and sparkling city lights.I was given things to see,that once before were ignored.I was given the chance to wake up,instead of sleepwalking through life.I was given every glorious day to enjoy,every month to savor, every year to rejoice.I was given the gift of life,I was given lymphoma.

I just wanted to thank all of you again for all your support throughout this whole process. I don't think we say "thank you" enough. You have no idea how much a meal, a card, a pie :) has meant to us. Just a call(even though I HATE talking on the phone). I cannot emphasis enough how horrible this disease is and how if affects everyone involved. My family has been my biggest fans throughout all of this. And even though they tell me the time they spend with Claire has been my blessing to them because it is time they would have never spent with her, the guilt I feel sometimes is overwhelming. And of course the envy too. I am the one who should be caring for my daughter. I shouldn't need someone to help get her on and off of the bus. The flip side of that is once again, how would I do this journey without them? I remember watching a morning show. And I think it was Robin Roberts. She had breast cancer. And I remember her mom telling her, "Don't hog this journey." In other words, let people come along with you. Let them help you. You know me, I have always been forthright in every aspect of this disease. Today was a day I spent in bed. The reason I have had the strength to go to every chemo session and feel like crap for a week afterwards is because of my family. And to be honest, I don't know if I will ever get over the fear of my cancer coming back. Once you have it, the odds are not in your favor always. Especially with Lymphoma. It is the most curable and treatable cancer, yet it is the one that comes back too.
Oh, and a big thank you to the Sunburys. Thank you too Kathy for getting the new orthotics for Claire. I just have to light a fire under her now! No, seriously, I won't literally do that! Ha!
Sorry to post again in the same day. I just wanted to thank everyone again. I will never be able to say enough thank yous!
Peace!

The weekend was pretty uneventful. Friday my sister and I ran to Columbus. I was hoping Hobby Lobby had ribbon cookie cutters, but they didn't. I ended up ordering one online. Gotta love the Internet! I find I still don't do well in crowds. I guess it is because I never know when I am going to get sick. Always have to be aware of where the restrooms are. This just makes for an uncomfortable situation. It really is sad because it makes me have no desire to really leave the house.
I know I sound like a broken record, but I am so ready for all of this to be over with. At least this week was not as bad as I had before. It just wears me out and I sleep alot.
Hoping this week is better.
Blessings on your week.

Another crappy week....where has the week gone? I spend my "crappy" weeks in bed so much that I totally lose track of the days and time. I have to say I have had alittle bit more energy this week it seems like than in the past. I try to be able to spend some time with Claire and Dennis even on my crappy weeks. Even knowing I have one more treatment left, it does not make these weeks any easier. In fact, I don't think what Dr O told me Monday has even sunk in. I think once I know I don't have to have anymore treatments it will hit me. The thing is, I am still going to be going into the Cancer center once a month to have my port flushed. I asked the nurse the other day if they prefer cakes, cookies, or fruit tray. Here I was going to be healthy and bring in a fruit tray my last treatment. I was told cookies. I decided to get a ribbon cookie cutter and make my famous rolled out sugar cookies with that. I will frost them in lime green the awareness color for lymphoma.
Beth, my sister, meets with a rep from the Leukemia/Lymphoma society tomorrow. We are starting a support group here in Seymour. So if you know anyone who has been affected in any way by either one of these diseases, please have them contact me. We would love for them to join us. We are not sure when we are starting the group. We need to get specifics, etc...from the society. But we will be meeting in the Cancer center once a month.
Blessings on your week!

Good Morning and greetings from the chemo lounge.

Last week was not too bad. I seemed to have alittle more energy than I have had in the past. Every week I am blessed and amazed at the number of cards and gifts I receive. Especially from people that don't even know me. I received a prayer shawl from Pastor Aaron's mom. It is the most beautiful thing. Thank you Pastors mom!

Saturday I spent the day with some girlfriends and went to Stream Cliff for lunch. It is always good to get out and spend time with friends. Thank you Janet and Sharon. Sunday we went over to Bloomington to spend time with my brother and his family. It was good seeing my niece who was in from Texas.

Now for the good news! I found out today that I only have one more treatment left! Yeah! Happy dance, happy dance! I forgot that (with the agreement and consultation of Dr Robertson in Indy) we skipped a treatment when I came back because I had gotten so sick. Then, DR O told me that back in May she thought my nodes has shrunken to where they should have been. I told her I thought they had just shrunken, so she called the radiologist. They had shrunken to "normal" size back in May!!!! I gave her a hard time going through all I had to go through. So I am so excited! Even though I know that this will be a bad week, I know it will be over with soon.
Blessings on your week!

I hope everyone enjoyed their weekend. Today we didn't do a whole lot. I woke up feeling OK, and went down hill the rest of the day. The only way to describe it is like having the flu. I haven't been queasy all weekend so that is good. I even made a pretty good dent in my omelet this morning along with toast.

I am just so emotional all the time. It doesn't even have to be "that time of the month." I could probably use a little more "hard hearted Hannah" in me. I got emotional thinking that Claire starts back to school and I hardly had a summer with her. I can go a week and not be able to take care of her! This kills me! I was reminded last weekend that Dr O did tell me the more chemo I get, the more tired I will get and worn down. I tend to forget this. I guess it is always something!

I am anxious to get feeling better and get into things in the community. Of course the Relay for Life will be something I do. I have a feeling my sister(who is very involved) would be the first to reel me in! Dennis and I also want to get more involved in church activities.

Please lift a prayer up for Dennis' nephew Andrew. He got his gall bladder out this week and is doing fine. But they are trying to get his meds all figured out before they can release him. He has congested heart failure, so it is always tricky when he has any procedure done.

Blessings!

P.S. There was a bright spot in this week so far. Every year the NYC Buddy Walk requests photos of our kiddos to be displayed in Time Square on the jumbo tron. I submitted a photo of Claire and they accepted it! So September 26th in Time Square, Claire will be up in lights! Along with quiet a few other kiddos, but I think that is exciting! And while we will not get to NYC, we will be able to get the video of it.

Today was a bad day. I slept all day and of course got sick. You would think after so many treatments I would be prepared and used to these days, but you aren't. You dread them. Nothing ever prepares you for feeling like this. My stomach is growling with hunger. I tried to eat a few crackers and they just sat around in my mouth dry as could be. Nothing else sounds good to try, nor do I want to.
I just told Dennis that the closer I get to the end, the more excited, yet scared I get. What if? He of course is Mr Optimistic. I cannot help but think that. I am not trying to be pessimistic. I am scared for the fact that they don't want to perform radiation on me due to where the cancer is, this is what concerns me. All I can do is put this in the hands of the Lord and know that he will do what he feels is right for me. To keep hearing of so many people dying of cancer, people my age, right now while I have cancer, really kind of freaks me out. I hate to hear it, but it is the way it is.
I don't know how much I will blog this week since most the week will be like today and I am sure no one really wants to hear it all over again!
Please remember to lift up in prayer those that have had damage due to the weather yesterday and the families affected by the fires as well.
Blessings on your week.

Every week there is a dear, dear lady from St Joes that sends me cards. Last week this prayer was enclosed and I just love it and want to share it:
"My Lord God, I have no idea where I am going. I do not see the road ahead of me. I cannot know for certain where it will end. Nor do I really know myself, and the fact that I think I am following your will does not mean that I am actually doing so. But I believe that the desire to please you does in fact please you. And I hope I have that desire in all that I am doing.
I hope that I will never do anything apart from that desire. And I know that if I do this, you will lead me by the right road though I may know nothing about it. Therefore I will trust you always though I may seem to be lost and in the shadow of death. I will not fear, for you are ever with me, and you will never leave me to face my perils alone."
Thomas Merton

Yeah treatment # 9 down! I know the rest of the week will be rough, but so blessed to be closer to the end. I did not see Dr O today. I was disappointed. I thought I was scheduled to, but not so. I will see her on the 17th. My numbers looked really good. I was happy about that. They did give me a script for Ambien, so I will try that tonight and hope it works.
Robin and Jan, thanks for the cookies. They are almost as good as my sugar cookie, ok, it was as good as mine. I obviously ate the whole thing!
I decided I could do my own weight loss commercial. Who needs Jenny Craig! "Hi! I am Mary and I lost 40 pounds. I take chemo and had reconstructive bowel surgery!" Ha! Ok, I don't think they would let me make that commercial. No offense to Jenny Craig clients. One thing though, I don't think you will find me in a bikini! Scary!
Everyday I think of all my friends going through cancer or dealing with the after affects and different surgeries. Please remember Jan, Tammy, Mick, Linda, Craig, and so many others.
Tomorrow Claire is spending the day with the Sunburys. What a blessing to have that family in our lives. God knew what he was doing when he brought Claire and Kathy together almost 4 years ago! Thank you Sunburys!
Blessings to all!

Our week was pretty good. Last Sunday we took Claire to the fair. I got my pork chop and I was happy! I rested alot this week. Of course I go in tomorrow for another treatment, so there goes my week!
Friday night Dennis and I went to the fair. After an hour I was ready to leave. Didn't get my pork chop that night, the line was so long! We then went and visited with our friends Mark and Janet. We decided at the last minute to run to Menards in Columbus to look for an area rug. We really need new carpeting, but since that is the last thing on our priority list, we decided we could get an area rug. No luck. But we did stop by Cold Stone Creamery and got ice cream! Yum:)
Saturday it was just the girls for most of the day. Dennis got the opportunity to go to the Senior Golf open at Crooked Stick. He had a really good time and enjoyed it.
Sunday was the Gerth reunion. I hate that it seems to get smaller every year. There is always great food and good company of course.
I got the chance to go over and introduce myself to the new neighbors. He was not home, but the wife was. They have 2 kids and one on the way. She seems very sweet. My neighbor Ronda and I are going to fix them a meal in a couple of weeks. The least we can do.
I don't know how much I will be blogging this week. By now you know me, if I am having a bad day or I am pissed, I will blog about it! ha! The only thing I need to do tomorrow is ask Dr O for something to help me sleep through tomorrow night. And my wonderful husband has taken a half day to go with me to sit with me and to meet Dr O.
Blessings for a wonderful week!