Having a blah day. I guess I should say I am feeling sorry for myself day. And I don't know why I am feeling bad for having it. We all have them. If you say you don't I know you are lying!
Had a nice lunch with my friend Janet (thank you). Came home and it just hit me. Bam! I feel like this recovery is holding me back. I feel like the world is going on around me and I am stuck in this bubble trying to recover. I am just trying to gain strength day to day and it is really getting me down. I want to carry my child. I want to take her places by myself. I want to take her to the playground on beautiful days like today and I can't. My upper body and lower body for that matter strength just isn't there. I want to get out and walk and walk and walk. Not just up the street and back. Then there is the cancer thing.... this is not as bad. In fact, I was doing fine until this constructive bowel issue came along!
You know and then there is the family thing. I feel like I am putting my family through so much and I don't want to. I really did not want them to see me on a ventilator, I really did not want them to see me with 30 pounds of fluid I had on me. I don't want them to see me having bad days. Then I feel like they worry about me. I just want this whole process of recovery from the surgery and my chemo to be over with. I really want to feel like a "normal" person. Ok, I can tell it is time to talk to my friend Michelle, who went through all of this a couple of years ago. She is the one I run to when I feel this way.
It does my heart good to know that tomorrow is a new day. And I have wine coolers in the house! Ha! You k now, you are told when you have chemo not to drink alcohol or have anything like mouthwash with alcohol because it can put sores in your mouth. I had a bit of wine the other night and I did just fine. I thought that was a good sign! ha!
I hope everyone enjoys your weekend in case I do not blog until then.
Blessings!