I met with Dr Olivarez today. She has been and will be consulting with Dr Robertson at IU med regarding how I am doing and my treatment.

She had the CT scan results from yesterday and could not see any indication that anything was going on with my gallbladder. However, she also mentioned that Dr Rager may want to do an ultrasound next Thursday when I meet with her.

I begin chemo on February 19th. She was ready to begin today! YIKES!!!!!!!! Give me a mental rest and preparation. Looks like I will have it twice a month for 6-8 months. She did compare the scan from October to yesterday, and said the nodes were the same size. So that was good. I will have a scan after 4 months and then after 6 months. She will then decide if we need to go on for 2 more months.
My emotions are all over the place. I want to cry for fear of the unknown. I am not worried about losing my hair, I am afraid of feeling like crap. I told Claire's teacher today that I have focused on her for the past 3 years. Almost everyday we had some sort of therapy. I know I have to focus on me now and it is hard. I feel like I am a bad parent and I feel like Claire is getting the short end of the stick. This is what my heart tells me. My head tells me logically that she needs me to focus on me or her mommy may not be around to see her grow up. But then I don't want to waste my energy on crying when this is not in my hands.
I don't know what God holds for me in the next year, but I know he will be there to hold my hand and to guide me through this. I have to put my trust in him or I won't get through this. He has brought me through all of this thus far. I know that our God is an awesome God.You don't have to die to know God. He is in your everyday life. Look around you and you will see him in everything you are and in everything you do.
So please bare with me as I begin a new leg of this journey. I will try and keep up on my blog since it is the best way to keep folks informed on what is going on. Keep the prayers coming! I so need them and appreciate them!
Blessings and love!