We had a good weekend. We didn't have anything planned. This weekend will be a different story. Friday night I went down to visit with a neighbor. She really helped me bring light to alot of different things. It was therapeutic and I thank her for that. Here I listen to so many others and their journeys, that sometimes it is good for me to have someone who has not been there to talk to and give me a different perspective on things.
Lance Armstrong once said that, "Cancer may leave my body, but it will never leave my life." This is so true!
After I got Claire on the bus Friday I had a meltdown. I laid in bed for 2 hours and cried! I needed this. I have been holding so much in lately, that I just needed to cry and get it over with. Then I got up and cleaned out my closet! I am getting rid of all my old clothes that are left that are too big. There is no need to keep the sweatshirts etc... I have nice flannel pajamas etc... I have held on to a few things and for no reason. It is just a reminder of my life before I was sick and I need to move on. I know I will never be the same person. Anyone who faces a life threatening illness or event and survives, is ever the same. I know I am more emotional about things that for sure. If not having Claire 4 years ago did that enough! Ha!
I just told someone that when Claire was born, I never questioned why. But when you get sick with cancer, you go through the would've, could've and should've's. I think it is just natural to do that. But I have to get over the guilt too and that has been the hardest thing. I know having cancer has caused my family alot of sadness. It has also caused us alot of financial issues we never had before, even with insurance. But honestly, we are still being blessed with people doing things that are incredible. A local sorority gave us 2 scholarships for Claire to do her horseback riding. That is well over $400.00. Even Dennis got teary eyed over that one! So the blessings never stop!
I go see Dr Le Thursday, for hopefully the last time! I say that every visit! Ha! Friday my sister and I along with a nurse from the Cancer Ctre are going to an educational program in Indy sponsored by the Leukemia/Lymphoma Society. My sister and I are anxious to see if any of the speakers are familiar with the rare type of lymphoma we had.
Blessings for the week!