Yesterday I hit the wall. I woke up at midnight the night before and took one of my anti-queasy pills. At 7 that morning I had to run to the bathroom and get sick. Took another pill then. I have 2 separate pills I can take. One is a 12 hr pill and the other one is 6 hr pill. How I am suppose to remember what is what, who knows! My sister was gracious enough to watch Claire all day and most the night. I slept. So tired! Plus I have gotten a cold and that does not help. So I am sure I will be holing up most of the weekend.
We take Claire to Riley on Monday to talk about tubes. God love her, she is fighting with a cold too and a cough. But looks like her ear infection is cleared up.
Looks like we are planning the Head Shaving party for Thursday night. I know alot of people think it is crazy to shave my head before I lose my hair. Honestly, I don't want to wake up to clumps of hair on my pillow. I don't want to wash my hair and hand fulls of it come out. Everyone I have spoken to said 2 weeks is pretty much when they lost their hair. I just want to get it over with and have it be done.
Blessings and enjoy the weekend!

http://flickr.com/photos/tammyhayes/
I wanted to share with you the site where Tammy posted some of the photos she took of Beth Anne and myself. Such a big hearted woman in such a small body! (Get some meat on ya! Ha!) No really, she is phenomenal!

Today I had my first round of chemo. Very interesting day. Of course we did not get started on time. My sister Beth went with me. We spent the first 45 minutes waiting on the DR., then we spent another 45 minutes getting "educated" on side affects etc...it was actually a good session.

11:30 they started flushing my port. They just put saline solution it. I gave them a hard time and told them I was getting nauseous! Then I laughed and told them I was not a hypochondriac! They then gave me the anti nausea drugs. I then get 2 bags of treatment and 2 pushes of treatment. All I can say is I am thankful already that I have the port.

While I was there, there was a girl I went to school with. Actually I graduated with her brother and she was a year behind us. She has colon cancer. Kinda nice to have someone to chat with. I think the staff thought Beth and I were crazy. Ok, there was this doll that you could buy for a child. she has a wig, etc.... We all commented on how scary she was. The staff even agreed to that. Finally Sally Acton came out and moved it! I told them it better had not be back in there when I come back in two weeks!

So today I offered the day up to my chemo friends in Canada, Zach. And to Ms Ashlyn in Michigan. These are 2 kiddos I know with Down syndrome who have been through or battling cancer. They also give me inspiration! Love you too Sylvia and Nikki! You are great parents!

All in all it has been a good day. Dad gave me communion and my ashes for Ash Wednesday.

I will continue to blog as I feel up to it. Trying to make my list of invites for the head shaving party. Fr Todd, maybe you should bless the clippers! Ha! No better yet, bless the wine that the person clipping my hair is drinking! Ha! Ok, just a bit of humor! So if you get this blog and I dont have your email address for some reason. Please feel free to email me at mary.r.carlson@comcast.net if you would like to be invited.

Blessings on your week!

I hope everyone had a good weekend. I am ready for Spring that is for sure. Hard to believe I survived living in Madison Wisconsin for 10 years!
We are all fighting sickness in our house. We took Claire to urgent care on Friday night. This facility is really good. They just bill you like a Dr office. You save alot of money instead of having to go to the ER. She has another ear infection. She has had a rough morning so we are going to see our regular DR this morning. Incidentally, we go to Riley next Monday to see about tubes. I am really excited about this. I have notices her equilibrium off lately and I know this is why. I feel her walking and speech will really take off once she gets them in. Hopefully after our consult, we won't have to wait too long. I am not excited about my baby being put under, but that is OK. I have a sore throat, but no cough. Dennis is just getting over his "stuff" from last week. Goodness!
Our photo shoot went well yesterday. I had a blast. Tammy Hayes is a remarkable woman. She is an inspiration and very strong. I cannot wait to see the photos. Hard to believe that people all over the world will see them! Very exciting! I have to admit though, she had to prompt me to flirt with the camera. Obviously I am not a model! Ha! I just don't have that kind of drama in me!
Getting anxious to start chemo and get on schedule. My hairdresser Erin offered to shave my head for me. Beth Anne offered until her hairdresser mentioned that it may be too emotional. I will let her make that call. All I know folks, is be ready at the last minute to come to the "head shaving" party. As soon as I see the first sign of hair falling out, it is off my head! No patches for me.
I know I have said this before, but I am amazed at how many women I am meeting that has or is going through chemo and cancer. We all have the same worries and concerns. Lately it seems like I am worrying more on the financial side. People don't realize that even when you have insurance, you have to pay the 20% and sometimes that can add up to be alot. I have had 5 scans alone in the past few months. You pay the radiologist as well to read them. Don't get me wrong, I am not complaining. We are blessed to even have insurance. I cannot imagine what people who cant get it or don't have it do. I can see why people go bankrupt over medical expenses though.
Today I am grateful for the sun. Enjoy your day!

I just want to give some "shout outs" and "thank yous" to so some folks. Ju-Ju for the beautiful bracelet and the hat. Nice to know I have a ribbon! To the girls who met me last night for dinner at DR. Linda, thank you for dinner. Becky thank you for the gorgeous earrings! Oh my, I was just happy getting the crystal pear! Then I opened them up and found the earrings! I will wear them in good health. Is that an oxy moron? Ha!
Of course to my family who continue to support me anyway I ask them to. My parents for taking care of Claire. I know she keeps you entertained. To my sister who is just the best friend a gal could have. And to my biggest fan and rock, my husband Dennis. I just feel so bad for putting everyone through this with me. But I know without everyone, I could not do this alone. So thank you from the bottom of my soul.
Have a great weekend!

My surgery went well. The hospital staff was very accommodating and took really good care of me. Anyone who can stop me from nausea with the anesthesia are angels in my eyes. Dr Schultz was great as well. Of course before hand I had to hear about the complications. One being a collapsed lung! Ugh! He told us he had done thousands of these and never once had to deal with that. My first thought was, "oh boy, there is always a first!" In fact, one of the first things I said when I came to was,"at least my lung did not collapse!" Those nurses probably thought that was the goofiest thing to say. But given my condition. They were so great with the meds and kept me pretty much from throwing up all but once. I felt good coming home. I went right to bed and slept until about 2:30. I got up and ate some crackers and water and read the paper, etc... I did go back to bed until Claire Bear woke up around 6:30. Once again the hardest thing to do is not pick her up for a few days.
I am really sore, but can tolerate taking Tylenol. He prescribed the same thing Dr Rager did and I hate those pain meds! They are pure evil! I do not handle them well.
Tomorrow I get my hair cut for the last time for awhile. My nieces boyfriend is going to shave his head when I shave mine. He keeps saying he needs a hair cut. I am guessing it will be either between or after my second round of chemo before I lose mine.
Saturday Dennis and I are going to have a lunch date. We are going to Columbus for lunch and then see an exhibit by Brandon Boas. Brandon is a young adult with Down syndrome who does wonderful photography. We bought a print for my sister in law for Christmas and she really liked it.
Tonight I am going to try and meet some women I used to do case work with. One of them still works for CPS. God bless her! I did casework for 3 years and that was enough stress for me!
Thank you for all the calls and cards and especially the prayers. I could not get through this without the prayers especially.
Blessings to all of you!

I spoke with my surgeon's assistant. Since we are so close to chemo, Dr Rager does not want to have to operate if it is my gallbladder. She thinks with chemo it all my take care of itself. I am thinking it will too. Considering they are putting evil, toxins into my bloodstream! Ha! I am sure it is an cure all for many ailments! Yikes! I just have to remember that those evil toxins are going to save my life!
Prayers and blessings!

I went for my ultrasound and the tech said my gallbladder looked fine. She did tell me about another test that they can do that will let them know at what percentage your gallbladder is functioning. It does not sound like a fun test, but at this point, I am building up a very high tolerance for pain! Christie, this is the test you had done too. So, I called my surgeon and her assistant set it up for next Thursday at Clarion.... NOT! I told her that was the day after my first chemo treatment and I had no idea how I would be feeling. I put chemo off a week, I am not doing it again. I want to get it started and get into some kind of routine. Everyone I know who has had it, says you learn the days after chemo, that are going to be the hardest and the ones that will be a bit easier. Mentally I just need to get started.

I get my port put in tomorrow. I dread it! I hate the anesthesia! I will have to tell them that we are not the best of friends. This way they can give me all the meds they need to keep me from getting sick. Guess I need to reschedule my hair appt huh? Ha!

Had a great time with the gals last night at Tumbleweeds. I am going to frame the group photo so I will have something cheerful to look at when I am feeling like crap. Thank you for all coming out and supporting me. It means alot to me. You are all my rock and inspiration.

So this is all I know. I am still having stomach issues and really have to watch everything I eat. Please say an extra prayer for me and Dr Schultz who will be doing my surgery tomorrow.

Peace!

I am amazed at how many people I am being blessed with meeting that are on the same journey that I am on. Not necessarily the same cancer, but cancer is cancer and we are all trying to just survive. Molly Marshall looks stunning in her new red wig. Makes me want to rethink the wig thing! I did finally open up my box of headcovers that I ordered. It was emotional. I had them sitting in my car for a week. They are really cute and fit really nicely! I did buy the hat sizers to go inside in case they are too big when or if I lose my hair. I still say I am going to lose it. Others tell me to not assume. Hmmm...Just a gut feeling!
Next Sunday Beth Anne and I are scheduled to have a photo shoot together. Tammy Hayes is the photographer. She does beautiful work. We have a kindred spirit in each other as Tammy as a special needs daughter too as well as being a cancer survivor. She is doing an "inner strength" project. I told her I would love for her to shoot my sister and I, since she is who I draw alot of my inner strength from. Should be fun!
Tomorrow night I am having a BC (before chemo) party at Tumbleweeds. Oh, it is also .99 cent margaritas. And here I thought my friends were coming to see me! ha! They are the friends who have seen me through this so far and continue to love and support me.
Today is my nieces' Golden birthday. She is 15! Where does the time go!Happy Birthday Katie Bug! We love you!
I will blog when I find out what they tell me tomorrow regarding my ultrasound. Dennis says he just wants to know if it is a girl or a boy! I tell him the doctors would not be pleased by that news right now if that was the case.
So many blessings on your week!

Well, I still do not know if I am suppose to go get my ultrasound at the hospital here in town Monday, or if I am going to wait and get it at Clarian West Thursday. But, I do have an appt Wednesday to get the port put in. I am nervous about this only because I hate anesthesia or I should say my body does not like it. I get very sick.
I was so blessed last night to have dinner with someone who I feel I can truly call friend. She had lymphoma a couple years ago and had the same chemo regimen that I am going to have. She gave me some really good advice. I am not trying to be negative, but I am expecting the worse with hopes of things being better. It was so nice to have met Michelle. She is going to be a great source of strength and support. I may have to give her a pager! Ha! She has already told me to call her whenever I need to no matter what.
Thank you Lisa for the beautiful journal and the book which I cannot wait to read with a box of tissues! Also for dinner. It tasted really good. My appetite is very limited these days and not always the best.
Claire has her Valentine Days party tomorrow at school. We have officially made it through a full week of school! I baked cookies and decorated them, they are really cute! I am sure she will have a great time.
I hope everyone enjoys their weekend.
Peace

So the saga never ends! I emailed Dr Rager last week to let her know that there was nothing on the CT-Scan that indicated a problem with my gallbladder. I was to go up and see her tomorrow. Her assistant called and told me that Dr Rager wanted an ultrasound done also. So....I am to go up next week and get an ultrasound done and then see Dr Rager. This means it pushes my chemo up to the next week. Ash Wednesday to be exact.

I have also decided to get a port put in. Every time I have chemo they are also going to have to draw blood. This is a 2 needle sticks a visit and it will wear on my veins if I don't do this. I requested to have Dr Schultz put it in. This really, really freaks me out! But I am blessed to have reconnected with a childhood friend who has just gone through all of this, including the same treatment protocol, the ABDV. He highly recommended it done. I wanted it done too before my first treatment.

I also want to thank everyone for their continued cards, calls, and prayers. We were so blessed a couple weeks ago to receive a wonderful gift. I wont say from who, because I don't want people knocking down their door, but an organization in town who does wonderful work for the National Cancer Research, sent us an unforgettable gift. It helped tremendously. It was so overwhelming to think that people that do not even know my family, can be so generous. There are good people out there. This just inspires me all the more to pay if forward. So thank you.

Blessings on your week

I met with Dr Olivarez today. She has been and will be consulting with Dr Robertson at IU med regarding how I am doing and my treatment.

She had the CT scan results from yesterday and could not see any indication that anything was going on with my gallbladder. However, she also mentioned that Dr Rager may want to do an ultrasound next Thursday when I meet with her.

I begin chemo on February 19th. She was ready to begin today! YIKES!!!!!!!! Give me a mental rest and preparation. Looks like I will have it twice a month for 6-8 months. She did compare the scan from October to yesterday, and said the nodes were the same size. So that was good. I will have a scan after 4 months and then after 6 months. She will then decide if we need to go on for 2 more months.
My emotions are all over the place. I want to cry for fear of the unknown. I am not worried about losing my hair, I am afraid of feeling like crap. I told Claire's teacher today that I have focused on her for the past 3 years. Almost everyday we had some sort of therapy. I know I have to focus on me now and it is hard. I feel like I am a bad parent and I feel like Claire is getting the short end of the stick. This is what my heart tells me. My head tells me logically that she needs me to focus on me or her mommy may not be around to see her grow up. But then I don't want to waste my energy on crying when this is not in my hands.
I don't know what God holds for me in the next year, but I know he will be there to hold my hand and to guide me through this. I have to put my trust in him or I won't get through this. He has brought me through all of this thus far. I know that our God is an awesome God.You don't have to die to know God. He is in your everyday life. Look around you and you will see him in everything you are and in everything you do.
So please bare with me as I begin a new leg of this journey. I will try and keep up on my blog since it is the best way to keep folks informed on what is going on. Keep the prayers coming! I so need them and appreciate them!
Blessings and love!

I hope everyone is enjoying their weekend. I am sure many are getting prepared for the Super Bowl game. I myself have no interest. Though I would like to see Arizona win because they are the underdogs. Always rooting for the underdogs.
I want to thank Ms Janet for going shopping with me yesterday. For not needing anything, we came home with alot! Ok, cheesecake, clothes for Claire of course, and a few essentials. It was a great day despite the cold.
I have decided I should probably get back into exercising. Especially if I am going to have a month to wait for treatment. I feel this will help me mentally and of course physically. I would love to lose another 10 pounds before all of this begins. And since I have been eating a little more, I need to watch that too. So easy to make the wrong food choices and have all that weight come back on. I can drop Claire off at preschool in the a.m.s and walk at the high school. Or I can even go to my sister's house and walk on our treadmill. What was that? "Our" treadmill? Oh ya, we let them borrow it. Ha! At least there I could watch TV.
Enjoy the rest of your weekend and GO CARDINALS!!!!!!!!!!
Peace!