I just heard back from the onco nurse at IU med. The addendum from Harvard came back and they agreed with IU med. So I have been officially diagnosed with lymphocyte predominant Hodgkin's. Now, because it is located where it is, my abdomen, need to decide what treatment to go with. It sounded like they will start with Chemo first. She also said that she thought Dr Olivaris is going on vacation for a month(WTH!!!!!) ha! I told her if I could get treated down here in Seymour, I will wait a month, not a problem at all. I will just need to find some really cute summer hats to wear now!

Dr Robertson is not in the office today, but seeing other patients, so she is waiting to hear back from him as to what the next step will be.

I will continue to keep you updated and let you know!

I can not thank you enough for all the prayers that you continue to say for me and my family.

Blessings

So today I spoke with the surgeon over the phone and we did some "troubleshooting" so to speak. She is concerned about the vomiting and the 20 pound weight lose. We both question whether it is a gallbladder issue as well. I am to get my scan done here in Seymour on Tuesday, and then I will see her the 12th of February. She is out next week of course. If it is pressing, her colleague will look at it. I am to eat small meals of bland food, or food that I feel will sit OK on my stomach. I am not looking forward to this. I guess I have been so food shy because of what it does to me and where it ends up!
I told my sister the other day that despite the fact that this is part of my journey, it stinks! No one said I had to like any of it!
Pray to give the doctors the answers they need to heal me. If I have to have another surgery, so be it. I want all of this taken care of before my treatment plan.
Holly, thank you so much for your kind words. They mean alot to me, they give me the strength I need to go on.
Peace and blessings

Frustration has set in! I am waiting to hear from the surgeon's nurse as to what we need to do. Dennis and I were going to go spend the night up in Indy so that we didn't have to hurry and get up so early here. The weather is horrible! I called and let Dr Rager's assistant know that there was no way we could make it up there. I am more than willing to have my scan done in Seymour. So now I will wait to see what is what. I am frustrated because I was going to be able to get my scan done and see Dr Rager all in the same day, now this will not happen.
I also called the onco nurse. I did tell her she could call me tomorrow if she needed to. Anxious to see if Harvard is finished with my biopsy.
Hopefully we will be getting calls today! I would not wish this pain on my worst enemy!
Peace

So it looks like it is going to be an early a.m. on Thursday. Dr Rager wants me to come up for a CT scan. I have to be there by 6:30 a.m. I will have to drink the contrast and then I will get to see Dr Rager around 9:45. I was going to push for this anyway. I have become an expert on drinking contrast and this is really the only way to see what is going on. If I have to have another surgery, so be it. I just want to start feeling good again. I feel as though my world is so small right now. I don't even enjoy leaving the house because I feel so bad all of the time!
So please say a prayer for me and hopefully we will have some answers regarding this issue Thursday!
Blessings!

I just wanted to post that I spoke with the onco nurse on Friday afternoon and Harvard had just starting looking at my biopsy 2 days ago. I am to call her Wednesday.

This week has been crappy to say the least. Claire still has her ear infection. We changed the antibiotics so hopefully that will help. She missed yesterday at school because I wanted to make sure her fever had broke. I hate her missing school because she misses her therapies then as well. But I realize in the scheme of things that her health is the most important thing. I can't wait to get to our Riley appt and talk about tubes.
Yesterday I felt like crap. It was just a crappy day all around. I am still having stomach issues. I am calling the surgeon today and see how long this is suppose to last. I can't eat, and then when I do eat, it usually comes back up! I am scared to be losing weight this fast. I know it is not healthy and I am not enjoying it either. I would rather be fat and healthy!
Last night I had a major meltdown. So for all of you that think this does not happen with me, believe me it does. I just figure no one likes to hear a whiner!
My sister and her fam watched Claire so that Dennis and I could meet some co-workers and ex co-workers for dinner. The whole time I was not feeling well. I came home and got sick. I just starting bawling. I told Dennis, I hate this cancer!" If it had not been for the cancer, I would not have had the surgery and I would not be feeling like crap! I just could not stop crying. I would have to say that this is the first time I really bawled like this in a long time. My sister brought Claire home and we talked. Ok, she talked and I cried more! And then we prayed together. This really calmed me down. I love the power of prayer! And for those that feel you don't know how to pray, it is easy really! I just feel like I am having a conversation with God all the time. And I feel him talking back to me in my heart. He does know our needs.
I just keep thinking of how he suffered on the cross for us.
I just try and stay positive even when I feel like crap. I know this can't last forever!
Have a wonderful blessed weekend!

Well, tomorrow is Monday and a start of a new week! Claire is getting over an ear infection. Last week with school was a wash. She only went one day. Between the delays and her being sick. I am hoping this week is a full week (Tues-Fri) for her. We go to Riley in March for an ENT appt. Looks like she is going to have to have tubes. This is fine with me. We go next month for her opthamology appt. Gotta love Riley!(sigh)

I had a good weekend. Went out shopping with my friends Janet and Sharon. Thanks for the laughs and wonderful lunch! I had to eat my half of the cheesecake in small bites and not in one sitting, very rich and very good. I seem to be getting my appetite back. I will have to watch that so that I can keep the 15 pounds that I lost recently off. Ideally I would like to lose more before they decide on radiation as an option as far as treatment. If you loose too much during radiation(which is common) they have to recalculate the doses and I guess aren't very happy campers about that!

Good news as well! I got into a pair of my dress pants for church today! I know, I know, finally out of the sweats! It felt good to be going to church looking decent. This being said, back to sweats for the week for this stay at home mom! tee-hee!

Went over and visited Baby Connor tonight. I got to hold him and feed him. He is just too cute! I started to get all teary eyed because I do miss Claire being that small. She is slowly getting out of the cuddling stage. Ms Independent! Then walk darn it! Ha! God love her! Sometimes it is just hard for me to understand that if she is so highly cognitive, why she won't walk. I know, I know, different part of the brain as Kathy would tell me! By the way, I do have to give a big thank you to our former Physical Therapist, Kathy Sunbury. We miss her so much! Claire really did look forward to "playing" with you. You not only taught Claire so much, but you taught me alot about Claire too. Thank you for that! You will be forever part of our family and our hearts!

I am hoping to hear from the onco this week. Surely Harvard understand who I am! Ha! Not like they are looking at others!

I hope you all have a blessed week. Don't forget to pray for those that have lost their jobs, those that are homeless and have no shelter, and even those that struggle to keep warm and keep food on the table for their families. This is a tough world we are living in right now. But pray that they will know that the Lord will provide. All you have to do is ask.( I am still waiting on that new laptop computer...ha!) No, seriously! His will be done.

On a side note, I know some of you think I am nuts, but you have to understand my sense of humor. Just ask my husband or sister what I said to the onco. I am too embarrassed to repeat it! Let's just say his face was as red as mine!

Take care, keep warm and safe!

Wow! Where do I begin? My sister, Dennis, and I went to the oncologist today at IU Med. First let me say that I am dealing with the best. He is director of the lymphoma department and is very knowledgeable and very personable. You can tell he really cares. I was impressed and felt very comfortable with him. I know that I am in good hands.


However, my diagnosis is one for the textbooks. He is not comfortable with the lymphocyte predominant DX because of where the lymph nodes are. He is leaning more towards the B-Cell, but just not sure what type for sure. He tried the pathologists at Harvard 3x while we were there to at least give us a time line as far as what their results would be. Looks like we are looking at 1-2 weeks. I won't go into detail and bore any of you, but he did say that until he can get a DX that he is comfortable with, he does not want to start or recommend any treatment. He does not want to over treat or under treat. Because I do not have the B symptoms,( these being high grade fever, unexpected weight loss, night sweats, and excessive fatigue) and I am recovering fine from my surgery, he is comfortable waiting for the DX from Harvard and coming up with a treatment plan. He is going to share this information with Dr Olivaris here in Seymour. I will eventually need the bone marrow biopsy. We are hoping I will be able to get treated in Seymour also.


He did say that I am not a clinical case or a pathological case. I have them all confused! My sister teased me and said I had to do her up one! Ya! I love being a freak of cancer in the field of oncology! DR Robertson even said that he sees rare cases, but not very often.


As far as staging, he believes I will be staged at Stage III only because of where it is in my body and because if the one under my collar bone is even anything to worry about. Folks you have to understand that staging has nothing to do with life expectancy. I know people freak out when they hear of a high staged cancer. The only thing staging will do will help with what type of treatment plan we chose to do.



I am more at peace after talking with Dr Robertson. We knew going into today that we would not have all the answers. And we told him that. It just gives me peace of mind to know that I am comfortable with him and what he decided will be the best thing for me.



More prayers and more prayers and more prayers!!!! Keep them prayers a comin'!!!!



Shout out to Aunt Ju-Ju, Jenna and Robbie for watching Claire Bear. She will never be the same! Ha! Now we have to get a piano! Geez! Ha!

It is taking me a few days for all of this to sink in! The closer I get to answers, the more scared I am because I know this is reality for me. I have CANCER! I have my Cancer Sucks T-shirt and wrist band I wear. Well, my t-shirt shrunk up alittle bit too much! But my wrist band fits just fine! I am still having stomach issues. I look forward to the day when I can fit into anything but sweats! I think that may be awhile.

Dennis got to go to the IU/MI game the other night and I was so happy for him. He so deserved the break and to see his favorite team (MI) play and win. Sorry IU fans! I know this is hard on him and tiring. I still cannot pick Claire up and it drives me nuts! I still can chase her though! Dennis is making me learn to relax. He said he has tried for 7 years. He affectionately calls me the "hurricane." I feel like I am being lazy, but know that it is for my own health and good.

I also want to thank my family who we could never get through this without. They have been such a good support system and good at watching Claire when need be.

I received the most awesome card today. They are hand made by a group of women who support other women going through cancer. My name was given by a friend of mine (Gayla) who I know through an online DS support group. Their motto is:"We are like angels with just one wing. We can only fly by embracing each other." anonymous. I am going to post the website. It is: cardsbyamysangels.blogspot.com. It was started by a group of women who had a friend DX with breast cancer. She is now cancer free! Thank God! But she felt that the cards and letters that she recd while going through this journey from other people helped her. Believe you me, I cried. Overwhelming for me, as I always say, to know that people that don't even know my family is praying for us!
Blessings on your weekend!

Yesterday was quite the emotional day! Claire had her first day of preschool. She did really well. I cried of course once I got back in the truck. She just seems to young to be going! But the school is awesome and so are the teachers. I know in my heart she is in the right place.
The surgeon called me last night and told me what the pathology report read. They actually just finalized it. They are saying I have B-Cell lymphoma with features consistent to lymphocyte predominant lymphoma. My sister had this same cancer. Only 500 people a year get this! In fact, mine is such a mystery I think to IUmed., that they are sending it to Harvard to have them look at it and get their opinion. I told the surgeon that my sister and I could never do anything "normal." God love Dennis, he was bowling and called in an intervention team! My sister came over and so did Julie King. He just did not want me to be alone. Of course, sweet little Claire, she took my Kleenex and wiped my eyes for me. I was crying happy tears for finally getting the report(though still no answers really) and sad tears for the fear of the unknown.
I could be wrong, but in my heart of hearts I figure they are going to zap the hell out of me with chemo and radiation. I am sure this cancer is going to kick my butt before I kick it's butt! I will get the last say! Ha!
Please continue to keep our family in your prayers and know that yours are in mine as well.
Peace!

Happy New Year! I hope everyone enjoyed bringing in the new year. Considering we were in bed by 9:30, I suppose we did! I just cannot stay up until midnight anymore.
Yesterday we spent a nice day over in Bloomington at my brother Tony's house with his wife Beth and family and friends.
Today we are having a stay in jam-jam day. It is nice not to have to do anything in particular.
My parents passed on a book they read called,"The Shack." I started reading it and got to a point where I thought it was getting too deep and thought I would get confused about what was going on. I read on and found an interesting part of the book that really I connected with. I won't go into details, but at one point, the main character is told that we humans are the ones who decided what is good and evil in our lives. I thought about my cancer. Some people would consider this evil. I call the things in my life that could be considered evil to some, blessings in disguise. If I had not gotten that kidney stone, they would not have found my cancer. And who really knows how long I have had it?
My kidney stone was a blessing in disguise and so is my cancer. Some days it is hard not to think about what will happen if I am not strong enough to get through it. But then I think that God gave this kidney stone (a.k.a Blessing in disguise) to let me know about the cancer and that he knows I am strong and will overcome it.
Many, many blessings for your new year!